Tuesday, 16 May 2017

"All Men Are The Same!!!".......Wait,What About GOOD Ones?? And The Truth About Women Who Claim That All Men Are The Same?

Men are scums.
Men this .
Men that.
All men are the same.
A man will always be a man.
All men cheat.
Men lie.
Men are players

I am sure you have heard this many,many times,if not said yourself  .
Seems like most women see men as a sort of heartless aliens we have absolutely nothing in common with. As if they came from another planet to hurt us,play us and lie to us. Emotionally cold,cruel creatures,moved by urges and libido.
Familiar ?

For sure,I am my sister's keeper. For some time now I use my platforms to help women all across the globe understand that their destiny is not to learn how to settle for suffering,poor treatments and misery while trapped in a role of a submissive little housewives. Yes,I strongly believe a woman must know her worth and what defines her as a female and a human being:sexually,emotionally,spiritually before she allows society or a man do it for her.

But I also love,cherish and respect men.
Yes ,I do.

And I know that no woman can be treated badly UNLESS she stays and settles for it. Unless she allows it herself as I strongly believe in a power of personal choice,no matter circumstances. That is why I tend to teach women importance of self love: because a woman that truly loves,values and respects herself would  never settle for being treated poorly by no man in this world. She is familiar with her worth and she has nothing to prove to anyone.

Empowered woman will know how to stand for herself,she won't make excuses for her man while being abused,humiliated ,cheated and lied on, but you need to know,I don't support extreme cases where men are being stigmatized and blamed for everything. Why? As I said,no one can do us wrong unless we allow them by staying where we are not happy. And that is nothing but a very personal choice. Got that?

I am here to tell you that there are still good people out there.
Good men. With amazing qualities and pure intentions. Men that crave love. Loyal men. I really meet them all the time (and I am also raising one by God's grace),some of them are my very good friends,however, I feel bad when I see how we bash them and unfairly put them all under the same nasty category. It's really not the case all the time.

And for all young ladies, please don't trust everything you hear. Do not judge the world around you based on bitter experience of few women you came across,no matter how close they are to you.  Keep in mind that ladies who call men "all the same" actually talk out of their very personal,painful experiences based around one man or maybe two and has absolutely nothing to do with entire mankind. ( 7 billion people in this world,how could you possibly know if they are all the same?Lol)
If a woman convinced  herself that "all men cheat/lie/etc..",even though she might not be right,do not take it against her. It is a mechanism of defense. She did it to justify what she allowed herself go through and such woman will never accept any other truth because it would shift her out of the comfort zone she created for herself to function in such relationship without feeling too bad about herself. 

If you personally had a bad experience where you felt like someone hurt or betrayed you,and at the same time you are looking forward to start a new relationship-it is time to let go of of fear,anger and bitterness you carry along from past ,otherwise you will keep attracting exactly the same type of experiences in future because what we focus on grows.

Note: Our past experiences are there to help us get to know ourselves,our potentials and capacities better and not to make general opinions about opposite sex. Once you learn how to love and accept yourself to the fullest, you will not have a fear of someone doing you wrong because you know you won't even consider staying around anyone who happens not to recognize and appreciate your worth.

I will repeat again,there are good and honest men out there (and very single!),and no,it is not utopia and I am not a story teller. And no,good men are not "reserved" for them "lucky girls". They come to women who know what they deserve and do not settle for less. Trust me.I talk from my experience .

More we cherish them, more we will see them.  Do not allow bitterness or fear blind you.

Let's work on becoming better,not bitter!
The best is yet to come!

Saturday, 13 May 2017

CHEATING PARTNER ALERT : The Only Person That Can Break Your Home Is The One You or Your Partner Allow IN! (BE CAREFUL WHO YOU REFER TO AS A "HOME BREAKER"!)

We certainly create our personal realities with our beliefs and personal life experiences and I really have no doubt about that.

I never had an intention of forcing my own beliefs on  anyone,especially when it comes to love and marriage, and I don't believe in "right/wrong":it is all matter of our personal perspectives.

If a woman convinced  herself that "all men cheat",she did it to justify what she allowed herself go through and such woman will never accept any other truth because it would shift her out of the comfort zone she created for herself to function in such relationship. 
And there can no be any further argument.Different life experiences bring us different realities.

However,if you truly believe that infidelity is a normal,usual something all of us must live with ("every man cheats" etc) and you simply settled for it,as you believe it's an ultimate fact,and if you,at the same time,found a way to live with such reality and be happy and protect your peace of mind ,then I am happy that you are feeling good and fulfilled because that is a purpose of life.Hey,whatever rocks your boat. 

But if  such relationship makes you feel bitter,insecure,sad,miserable,depressed,anxious and angry,then you have a problem because I do not believe you were brought into this world to suffer. 

I for sure know that your whole anger and frustration is directed towards them bitches that can not respect the fact that he is taken but.....It's not a side chick that is a source of your issue. 
Let's be real: one will go ,another one will come. You already know.

Note,no one can break your home unless you or your partner open door for them and allow them in. 

That is why I truly believe that "home breaker" is actually a married person that decides to get himself (herself) into an affair. 

Most of you justify man's actions (just for the sake of his sex)and at the same time put the whole blame on them women for "daring" to seduce a "poor little naive,innocent thing". I am a married woman sef,but this way of thinking doesn't make much sense to me and I will explain you why.

Yes and unfortunately,women's solidarity is not familiar to every female and some girls do not care if men they are after are married or not,BUT,honestly,that "side chick" doesn't have any obligation towards your home (unless she is maybe your family member or a close friend). 

The person that has obligation to protect and keep your home safe is most likely the same person you decided to build it with.  Yes ,your partner. 

Clearly,it was not that other woman that committed to you but your "other half" did. (unless you guys willingly and mutually agreed on polygamy or open relationship). So whatever the third lady does has nothing to do with you. But the way your partner responds,does!

Don't ever get me wrong,I never said it's ok for girls to chase after married men for which ever reason,but the person who should be an adult and responsible enough not to put your home to risk is that human being you call your man because it's his home as well.
Last time I have checked,it's not by force to have an affair. Both men and women get involved in such with their good and free will.

However,ask yourself : can you spend the rest of your life in misery and bitterness ,comparing yourself to all sorts of different women you have found in his phone,doubting your worth and credibility as a woman, threatening,hating and spying on "side chicks" and shouting to leave your man alone and have a heavy heart every time he comes home late? 

I am asking you now: Is that a life? 
I am not telling you how to live your life,but if your heart can not handle such treatment, then let go of it. Stop convincing yourself that it can not get better then that because "all men.." ...blah.

In my opinion,I do not think that two people can build a life together if honesty lacks.No one is perfect,but TRUST is a must for me.

Personally, I think infidelity has nothing to do with sex. Men and women both equally cheat for different reasons,just that women know how to hide it better since infidelity was never a socially acceptable behavior for a woman as it was for a man all through the history.

And I do not even think that men have a higher or stronger libido then women (trust me!) so I do not buy all these biological theories that claim cheating as a part of men's DNA and nature. Everything is a question of choice.

But I am also very sure that there are faithful people out there (if that's what your heart really craves,do not settle for less). That is not an utopia.I know them. I meet them. There are real and honest men and women out there and it is very unfair to discredit them with "all men/women are the same....." kinda attitude just because you had a nasty,painful experience.

Infidelity is not a matter of circumstances or sex,it is determined with how highly loyalty is rated in your personal system of values . That is all.

I just don't think you should settle for anything that makes you unhappy,bitter and miserable just because you managed to convince yourself that it is the way it was supposed to be and that "everyone gets cheated on". Believe it or not,that is not always the case.

Remember, true happiness is an ultimate purpose of this our short life and not how we appear on the outside for others to judge us.  

Stop looking for who to blame while settling for being treated the way you did not dream of when you were a little girl. Focus on you. Your life is truly all about you and it is never too late to set your priorities in the way that will work for you the best .

There is no shame in the fact you refuse to settle for anything that does not please your soul. 

Saturday, 6 May 2017

A Bright Future After Shameful Past?

So many people run away from their past. They are ashamed. They feel like some life choices from God knows when would destroy their reputation,chase away important people from their lives or ruin their future in general.

The truth is you get labeled real quick in this our society like no one has ever sinned before. Everyone holier then thou.

But must your past affect your future?

Let me tell you straight up as an imperfect sinner that I am and that you are : you have absolute right not to be the same person you were yesterday.

I will start from myself: Sonia from 2014,2010,2008 is not the same Sonia typing this for you. It's like we are talking about different people.

You would  simply not do/settle/agree with everything the very same you did even a year ago. And guess what? That's absolutely fine!
A wise man said once:The only constant thing in this world is change. 

Do we work this hard and go through everything we do to stay the same?
Hell no.

I feel like there were so many different people living inside this same body of mine. People with different mindsets,habits,ideas.My life philosophy changed. My ways changed. So many times.
You have right to change your features or anything else about you when you understand that it does not work for your best interest anymore. 
Am I ashamed of all the Sonia's I have met for past 26 years of my life? No. I made a peace with them because all of them had a powerful impact on the person I am proudly today. I have learned how to love and appreciate my past despite the fact that I could as well be ashamed of it. All the experiences and life choices I have made,no matter how wrong,right or shameful they are built this Sonia you know. How precious is that?

Maya Angelou once said: "When you know better,you do better".
It is actually as simple as that. So many times we just don't know. How to know? From where? Experience is the teacher. That is where wisdom comes from. It was not installed in our hearts from the very first day we were brought into this world. Period. We don't always know,but we learn.
And that is just fine my love.

The change we face is nothing but a proof of growth and that is why it's very wrong to discredit your past by being ashamed of it or running away from it.

For sure,not everyone will like the fact that you are growing bigger,wiser,stronger because  it will change your level to the point it passes their own.

"Look at her forming ......... till yesterday she used to....." blah.
"I know this one from way before,the way he was............smh"
"I used to see her doing.........who does she think she is now"

 That is the reason why they become angry and that is the time when they will try and use "embarrassing dirt" from your past against you so they can feel better about themselves and stagnation they face. Clearly,that has absolutely nothing to do with their "morals" or what so every they tend to hide under. When they start talking about who you "used" to be it is because they fear who you are about to become. 

That is why you should not allow it to discourage you and sabotage your growth. Don't ever let it happen.
That is why it's always the best to make a peace with your past even though you might not be the same person anymore.Because what you embrace can never be used against you.

No matter what happened a year,5 or 10 years ago,you deserve the greatness a future can bring.You deserve that change and your past is just a result of you not knowing everything you know today.

Be grateful for it.

Sky is your starting point.

Love you!

Thursday, 27 April 2017

Just Because He Won't Let You Go Doesn't Mean He Wants You

There is nothing as frustrating as receiving mixed signals from person we have deep feelings for.
You know,when you don't know where you stand with someone you really care about.

It normally comes along with heartache,disappointments,overthinking,insecurities,doubts and terrible confusion and it is a quite torturing experience and somehow I am pretty sure most of you understand (from your personal experience) what I am talking about .

However, all these undefined relationships have somethings in common: firstly they make us wander so badly to the point where we feel like going crazy and secondly they always mean we settled for way less then we deserve and sooner or later everybody gets tired of it.

Saturday, 22 April 2017

Guide For A Modern Pregnant Woman: How To Stay Sexy,Look Amazing And Feel Good

We all agree: there is nothing as miraculous and powerful as woman caring a new life in her womb for whole 9 months.
What a blessing!

But truth for the matter,pregnancy as well freaks us out. Like seriously.

Let me start with myself: when I found out I was expecting a child,I almost fainted even thought we saw it coming. I started panicking. Crying. I was scared to death.
How will this affect my life? My mind and body? Will the Sonia I know be gone forever?  Will pregnancy make me ugly? Unhappy? Depressed? Unattractive? Will it be very awkward,painful and uncomfortable?
What can I expect?

I can still remember the emotional roller coaster I have passed through.

And I can bet,I am not alone.
So,my ladies,my intention with this post is to share some tips that helped me take the best out of this miraculous 9 months and rock the pregnancy like a fancy,unique million dollar accessories.

- I know you would feel lazy,moody and tired,and that is all normal,but don't allow yourself to sink into it! 
Even before I got pregnant,I used to admire dolled up pregnant ladies. Like,there is nothing more beautiful than a vibrant preggy hottie /slayer with belly.  When I was pregnant,every single time I felt down,I would force myself to get up,do my hair,do some lovely make up,pick a cute sexy outfit and go to mall. Or super market. Or just take a walk. It worked like a therapy for me.  Pregnancy doesn't mean you must stay in pajamas,baggy,unattractive clothes and messy bun on top of your head while moving from couch to bed. 
Don't you stop slaying love!
Love this pic,I was about 6 months pregnant here 

Heavy,oily food makes even a non pregnant person lazy,sleepy and tired. You should try and eat regularly but healthy mostly for the sake of your baby but also for the sake of your mood . Trust me,what we eat has a lot to do with how we feel.
Forget that "eat for 2" nonsense. Increase intake of vitamins ,proteins and water,and not chips,pounded yam,Fanta,chocolate and fried chicken. And let's keep it real: pregnancy doesn't mean you  need that 2am meal. At all.
Staying fit REALLY means staying happy. And yes,your postpartum body will be thankful;) 

-I repeat: I know you feel lazy and tired. But as long as you have a normal,healthy pregnancy there is absolutely  no reason for you to lay in bed all day as if you are,God forbid,sick.
Pregnancy is not disability.
I remember,I used to go out ,even clubbing with my husband while pregnant and I had so much fun (turning up with bottles of water for the first time of my life lol). It was a different kind of unforgettable experience for me.
However,stay social. Hang out with people that make you happy. Laugh. Have FUN! Yes,being pregnant does not mean you should be restricted from having fun and enjoying yourself (as long as you stay away from heavy drinks,smokes and drugs of course).
Hey ,it's still the same old you with some extra blessing in your sexy belly.
Stay physically active as well. I mean,you don't have to go to gym and lift weights but you can have a 20 min walk every day. It will mean a lot for your mental and physical health. And that sexy body of yours. 

- Stop thinking and talking about potential risks pregnancy can bring. Common. Don't let fears spoil this special experience for you. Rather focus ,think and talk about all the beautiful things caring a new life brings. Your bigger boobs for example. LOL 
Surround yourself with positive minds,people who inspire you and give you hope ,whether in real life or social media. Breathe and absorb positivity only. 
Suffocate fears and panic with gratitude. You have so much to be thankful and excited for.
You are truly blessed. 

-If you can not afford spa treatments and wellness centers ,that does not mean you can not enjoy. You can still pamper yourself at home. Few times a week make sure you give yourself an hour of "me time". Play your favorite music,run a bubble bath,read a good book,put a mask on your face,make sure you smell and feel finer then the finest rose.

- And you will stay irresistible for a very long time. Pregnancy is a piece of cake for you,miraculous woman!


-Make sure you keep yourself fly for yourself first. Do not do it because you want to earn an approval or a compliment from your man or any other person. This "effort" is about you alone this time around. You deserve to feel good about yourself,pregnant or not.

Sunday, 2 April 2017

"TRY ME;I DARE YOU." -REASONS WHY WOMEN SUFFER: Disturbing Double Standards In Our Society-A MUST READ

This really got me feeling all sorts of way...

"I AM A WOMAN!!! -
So what?
I get into an argument with a man, he slaps me, I feel the pain, yet they tell me I provoked him. I should have been quiet, I should have been patient. I should apologize to him.
I get into an argument with a man, I slap him, they tell me I have no respect, no home training. I should have been quiet, I should have been patient. I should apologize to him.
Because I am a woman, I don't have a right to be angry. So, the degree of my innocence is directly proportional to the degree of my silence in the face of oppression and brutality.....
Because I am a woman, my husband cheats on me, I am told to tolerate it to save my marriage. The barbaric and stupid excuse is that ''it is in their nature to cheat, I should slim down, dress better, cook better, pray harder and be more pleasant to him"
I cheat, and I am called a whore, I have committed an abomination, I have no right to look elsewhere for the love and emotional support I lack at home, I am an irresponsible mother.
So I am sent packing, from the home we both built, with all my earthly possessions stuffed into a tiny box on my head. I am henceforth forbidden from seeing my two older children, I'm lucky to be allowed to go with my little one still suckling on my left breast. Three years later, the little one is tagged a bastard. Now, my new name is "after-three", because I am a woman.
He is 28 and runs a company. He's tagged wonderful, hardworking, focused, career oriented, successful at a very young age.
I am 28 and I run a company " Hmmmm, she is not even married, unserious, can not order her priorities right, a hustler, loves money, let her go and get a husband oh"
And I wonder if being successful has anything to do with a person's gender.
Because I am a woman,
I am not allowed to have wits or be a prodigy, I cannot be financially buoyant, professionally successful or be treated with respect without a man beside me.
Then I am tagged a generous leg opener, "a runs girl". They never see the possibility that I actually had to go through ups and downs to get to where I am.
Because I am a woman.
A man looses his wife to death and remarries a year after, he did the right thing, he's being praised and congratulated for moving on, after all life is for the living.
A woman looses her husband to death and remarries after 4yrs, "ahhh! so early? Are u sure she wasn't sleeping with that man even when her husband was alive? That was why she killed her husband. She's a witch! " Because she's a woman.
Because I am a woman, this post will be considered controversial, and everyone will try to correct me.
But don't forget, that I am a woman and it does not make me less human."

Honestly,I understand if there are some men out there justifying this double standards because the change is certainly not  in their favor ...
But the way it makes me angry when I hear my fellow women making peace with it in the name of "tradition" or what so ever.. You can't understand.
You normalize nonsense and STILL teach your daughters to be submissive because such is a "cruel woman's fate"?

No it is not.

I say so! Watch me!

You are not meant to suffer in silence while breaking your neck to be "that woman" so they won't say you are not being "good enough ".That is not a woman's destiny.

Don't get me wrong. I don't think that women and men should "compete" in any way. Or that treating your man well is a bad thing. Nooo. I just think it should be mutual.
I don't believe we should normalize a woman's misery.

You are meant to be loved,appreciated and respected.
You deserve that.

Thoughts guys?

Wednesday, 22 March 2017

Secret Tips: How To Move On & Get Over Person That Is Not Good For You

No matter how strong,reasonable and intelligent you are at times you will feel like a total fool for not being able to let go of someone who clearly isn't good for you.

Emotions are super powerful thing. The most dangerous combination that turns us into senseless,"possessed" sheep is definitely  emotion+ strong sexual chemistry. It makes you forget who you are and what you all about,gives you amnesia for all the standards and criteria you claimed you had,erases sense for pride and dignity and makes us forgive and "swallow" almost everything and anything.
It makes us weak,just like someone put voodoo on you .
You simply can't focus or think of anything/anyone else.

Tension,anxiety,helplessness. Stupid butterflies in belly.
At times when common sense splashes you straight in your face,when you get to put  1+1 together,you can't seem to understand what really happened to you. Is this really you? How could you settle for such a poor treatment by someone who isn't even aware of how precious and worthy you really are.? Someone who turned blind to all your amazing features.

You are tired for not being able to let go of person who clearly doesn't care about you or your well being.
You want a full control over your life,mind and being back!
It's time to let go!

Let's brake the damn spell!

 " How could I let this happen ?"
Anger and serious self blame for "being so stupid " is what we mostly face in such situations.
Then there is shame,especially when you remember all the embarrassing things you "allowed" yourself do and settle for.
How did I guess? lol

This needs to stop it dear.

First step of healing is to accept the fact that this is all just a part of life and growth and that every single person experienced such "madness" at least once in their lifetime.
However, you probably did what you felt like doing at some point of time.It happened for a reason and it surely made you wiser and stronger.
Instead of hating yourself for "stooping so low",be thankful for experience and wisdom you got in return.

In order to heal and move on you must also find a way to forgive the person that you believe is responsible for your heartache.
 "Cheat. Lier." 
"Heartless Fool." 
"He took me for granted."
 "After everything I have done for her."
"He made me look so stupid!"
 "Selfish bastard. "
"He needs to suffer "

I hear you. More importantly,I feel you.

But the bitter truth is : whatever we go through is what we,for whichever reason, allow ,whether subconsciously or consciously,by turning blind to particularly actions and deciding to ignore the fact that people don't always tell us their intentions towards us,but they always SHOW us.

However ,the fact is : not everyone would be capable of seeing and appreciating our worth,but best believe,there is nothing personal about it.
Not everyone can tell the difference between a shiny stone and original diamond.
But that has nothing to do with you.

So here is the deal: find a way to forgive them for not seeing "all that" in you.
And find a way to understand that everyone you cross paths with is there to teach you something very valuable. Don't take that experience for granted.

There is no coincidence in life. Just because he/she turned out not to be the most ideal match for you,that doesn't mean God sent them into your life for no reason. So forgive them anyway because you won't have strength to move on if you keep carrying these strong ,exhausting feelings along with you .

Forgiveness means peace. But that doesn't mean you should poke and scratch your wounds by constantly hearing from person you try to let go of.
In my opinion,you should definitely stop all the social media investigations . Leave the FBI matter.
Stop checking his/hers page regularly. If you consider his/her your weakness and you are afraid that you'll might fall into a temptation of calling or accepting an invite for a new date with the person you are trying to let go of,then go ahead and block their number. Block them on social media.
You need your space to heal. You need time to re-channel your focus and space so "spell" will loose it's effect.
It's ok to blank your "distraction" until you get better and finally move on.

It's not in our nature to have positive emotions towards someone who brings us pain. Most of the time it happens that we are not "in love" with actual person but with misinterpreted version of the person we created in our heads. All by ourselves.
We tend to idealize someone we are crazy about to the point we find explanations and justifications for everything wrong and ugly about them.
The best way to let go of someone is to start seeing them for who they truly are.
You need to face true colors of his actions,behavior and attitude  towards you,and to finally acknowledge his lack of efforts and interest.
Every time you start feeling tempted to unblock the contact or call "just one more time" remember the "untouched" picture of the treatment you had to put up with.
Such a turn off! You deserve way better!

So you have a terrible urge to call him. One last time. Send an sms. Insult him. Anything. Just to get
back in touch with the person you try to forget.

Or he called again begging you to come over so you guys can "talk". You feel restless. Maybe one last time. ."What possibly can I loose?"

There is no point honey. Look deep inside of you : it doesn't even feel right!
Temptation is an enemy of progress because it would bring you back to point zero! Then all your efforts would go in vanity. No!
Every time you are in this situation,ask yourself out loud "And then what? What after we see,kiss,have sex? "
Same old,same old huh?
Aren't you tired of walking inside the same old magic circle ?
This powerful question will help you remind yourself of what is pointless and senseless and it will help you fight the temptation.

Take a pen and paper. I want you to describe your ideal man. Mr Right.
This time without setting for any less.
Write down all his features. He does exist somewhere,you know right?. Best believe,7 billion people on this planet earth,he gotta be somewhere.
Then compare your Mr Right to Mr Wrong you can't seem to get over. Your standards really dropped honey.
Silly you hun?

When things don't work  for you it's most likely because it ain't for you!
God doesn't make mistakes . He would make sure He do everything to cut people that are not good for you out of your life. It might hurt you but in future,when you see and meet better and bigger, you will be very grateful to God for pushing misery away from you.

Idle mind is devil's workshop.
The best way to distract your mind is to invest in yourself.

Don't be lazy,quit with excuses.
Gym,sport,dance classes,learn new skills,find new hobbies,get to know things you have always been passionate about... Self investment oN every possible level (physical,emotional,spiritual) will automatically make you happier,more satisfied and fulfilled.
Self investment is a tool against depression and low self esteem.
It will help you discover your abilities and fall in love with new,updated and upgraded version of yourself.
And more you love yourself ,less you will have time to entertain nonsense.

This is the fundamental reason and purpose of moving on.
We need to let go of what doesn't feel right so we can be ready to receive what is more then right. It's what makes this life beautiful and worth of living .
Let excitement replace sorrow.
It only gets better.