Saturday, 31 December 2016

My Secret "GoodLuck" New Year Eve Ritual

I believe this will be the last post I am going to share with you for this year guys.

My whole life,I have always believed that New Year truly is a beginning of something new. A blank chapter of our personal stories.

A year that passed brought each and every of us amazing blessings and priceless lessons,so first of all do not regret anything,but rejoice what was added into your life.

However,for so long I have one,how I call it,"Secret Good Luck Ritual" that I must go through before I move on to the brand new year and I think I need to share it with you because I feel like it really helps me attract miracles and invite magic into my life.

I use pen and paper to write two lists that help me get charged with a right kind of energy for all the changes upcoming year is about to bring and redirect them all in my favor. I don't write my lists down in my cell phone notes,somehow I believe that there is a power in words written by my own hand ,moved by passion,prayer and love.


Step 1
GRATITUDE LIST.

Let's take one last look at the year that is about to pass.
I write down all the amazing things that happened to me. I start with things that mean everything to each and every of us,but we mostly take for granted:
Life and Health.
I am alive.
People I love and care about deeply are alive.
I am healthy and my people are all healthy.
My dad had two serious surgeries this year,but he is recovering now. He is getting better. All I see is health!
I walk on my own.
I can talk.
I can see.
I can hear.
I have a son. A healthy,super intelligent,strong little man that is growing every second.
Maybe you don't drive a car of your choice or live in crib of your dreams,but is that a reason not to be happy for what you already have? Because I am sure many people would kill to be in your shoes.
I am not hungry.
Not homeless.
Finish your list,but make sure you feel that beautiful emotion of gratitude deep in your bones.
You have much more then you need.

Moments...
Think of moments you left behind.
How many times you have laughed,kissed,hugged,danced,ate with someone special to your heart?
All that fun I had. I can not afford to take for granted NONE! Even simple "let's go for a drink" times with amazing people that wish me well.Happy little moments are truly a definition of luxury.

Now as I'm typing,I'm thinking about all the magical moments I am endlessly thankful for.
Every time I felt loved,special,appreciated.. I'm trying to remember each and every situation and bring the same emotions back to life as I am writing it down on a piece of paper.
Every single time I felt those butterflies in my belly. Every time my heart was beating faster because of excitement and joy.
These are things I choose to remember 2016 for.

People..
Just because you broke up with your ex or one friend did you wrong does not mean you have right to forget all these wonderful people that love and care about you everyday.
I am indeed blessed. I always end up having pure hearted people coming my way. My friends are such a special people.Positive. Honest. They make me happy.
Then my family that wait can't wait to see me. They are so loving and carrying.I know you might feel like they are too difficult and annoying at times,but even if they do wrong things it's always out of the best intention. So if you hold anything against them,forgive now. Be thankful for their lives.
But most of all,I can not thank God enough for my best friend in this whole wide world. My husband. How grateful I am...Through thick and thin and all my madness and mood swings,ups and downs,he was and still is my medicine. His loyalty,care and love is something I can't stop writing about.
Then our son. Naughty little fella that wakes me up every morning by poking my eyes. Lol . There is simply no space to be bitter or ungrateful.

Keep written your list darling.
Focus on a beautiful emotions each and every person you mention adds into your life. Feel it. Breathe it in: Let the magic begin.

Make peace with what you can't change.
Surely,not every memory brings a smile on our face.We surely been through disappointments,pain,frustration and helplessness at some point.
Honestly,between you and I,my year was kind of rough. I think I had the most difficult battle to fight so far. I was in depression,faced serious issues,crises and once I will share everything I have been through with you.
BUT now I AM GRATEFUL for each and every struggle. I am strong. You are strong. And strong is sexy! It's a turn on. We learnt ! We got wiser! It could have been way worse! Best believe that everything bad that happened actually saved you from something worse that was about to come your way! But NO,your are blessed and FAVORED!
So take a minute,think of all the unpleasant moments of 2016 and thank for it . Trust me when I tell you,something totally amazing must come out of it. It was a shortcut to your blessings and reword.
You made it though,you superhuman! Be proud of yourself,feel big. It was not easy,I know,but it's definitely going to be so worth it.

Hope you are writing it all down. How do you feel already?

Step 2:
FUTURE GRATITUDE LIST

Now I need you to write down major 2017 goals.
Is it a new car? A better house? Is it an exotic trip? An ideal partner and passionate romance? Sexier body? Healthier lifestyle? More discipline?What of your dream job? Recognitions? What do you want to achieve career wise? How do you want to feel about yourself?
Write it all one by one.
But note: you must be very precise. Concrete. Exact.
Then breathe it in.
You are now writing a story about your future self.
Take your time.
Imagine how would you feel if  you just got what you always wished for. Let's say one of the thing from your list.
Feel that feeling of joy,happiness,picture that moment of you calling your loved ones to share a good news with then. Feel it all NOW,as you are writing it down.
Your heart is beating faster yea? Don't stop writing please.
Now say THANK YOU for all the goals and targets you decided are going to come true and come to you in this fabulous 2017. Feel like it's already yours and act accordingly. You must feel good. Excited. Not sad,bitter or envious. If someone else got what you dream of,rejoice on their behalf. That is how we claim our blessings.Your own is already sent your way,in order to open door for it you must feel amazing! Happy!Thankful.

So yea guys. This is how I end every year of mine. I read my Gratitude Lists often as year is passing and at the end I always realize that most of my goals actually came true. Yours will too,but you have to stay consistent with a positive attitude and gratitude. You must feel it everyday and have faith that things are happening in your favor even when it seems opposite.
That is my secret (well not anymore) recipe that helps me stay on the right track.
Remember,all you need to get what you want is already in you.
Impossible is nothing.
Gratitude is everything.
Faith opens all sorts of doors.
But,your good intention and pure heart helps you stay in.

Life is indeed a beautiful journey.

Happy New Year My Dearest Friends.
I hope you are prepared for all the blessings that are about to change your life forever?
Good.
I am too.

Much Love
Xx

Friday, 30 December 2016

Broke Days: My Husband and I Started With N10k

This is a story I'm sure many of you guys don't know about and I really feel like it's time to share it with you today,as this year is coming to an end.
Just for a second, looked back at my life,this 2016 that is almost gone and my heart started beating faster because I realized how far we have come. Gratitude I feel makes me wanna cry because God is indeed great. He never fails.

I'm writing this with intention to awake that positive energy of hope and faith in you before we enter this brand new year and make you believe that miracles truly happen when there is Love,Gratitude and Peace in our hearts to invite it in.

Most of you think that my life in Nigeria was nothing but glamorous story,followed by mad parties,red carpet events and comfortable life since I "got me" a Naija celebrity boyfriend.
Lol..If you guys only knew..

The day I came to Nigeria to see Ik,he went to BORROW N10k (which was equal to $50 at that time) just so he can get me from the airport.
Yes guys.
That is the very naked truth.
We met in not so ideal circumstances.

To be very sincere with you,in any other case ,"normal" me would probably carry my load  and go after realizing that I can't have as comfortable life as I pictured (heeey,did I really came all the way to Nigeria to suffer with all those lavish millionaires and oil tycoons around ?Chineke God, I don dey crase?Lol). 

Average African Man's confidence is normally backed up with money and wealth he posses. It's all about what they can do for you or what they can give you that makes them so proud and confident to approach even the most beautiful women on planet earth . Mathematics is simple: no money - no confidence at all.

But then i met Ik. A young man with who was not wealthy,without a big family name but,guys ,the way he was confident.Not arrogant.Confident. That sexy mind blowing confidence.Not only that.There was potential. There was a fire in that man's eyes. Pure determination. Heart of a lion. But so pure and so kind. So honest. Real. Intelligent. Wise.Capable.
There was a  man who eventually became my best friend,who knew my dirty secrets and the naked truth about me and still loved me when I did not even know if I love myself. A woman feels that once in a lifetime.
My common sense has left me so I was there to follow my heart.
Then it got to my head: We could actually have it all.

He loved me from day one. For sure I know. But he was still a man. That's why he felt bad that he can't give me the world he thinks I deserve.I felt his pain.
I looked at him one day. I knew he felt helpless at some point. Told him "Ik ,when I look at you I see a billionaire.You better start acting like one." 

Later on he told me that was somethings I said that completely changed his life.

He loved me for who I am,I believed in him when he had nothing. And that was unconditional. I guess that's when magic happens. 

But let me be honest again: It was not an easy journey at the beginning.
Me,Sonia,"Fine girl",that was always getting things effortlessly everywhere I go.
Secondly in my whole life I was alway running away from commitment.At all this did not make me feel right. I was afraid that I won't get to live life that I alway wanted.I felt like  I had to sacrifice it for sake of some Love like that.For Christ sake,I run away from my home to have a better life then my parents did,not to find myself in the same old shit.

We had ups and downs.
But then things started changing.
How?
I'm far from a perfect woman,but I realized I had a one very special superpower: my words can change lives. I can speak words into existence!
I started speaking life into him. I was telling him about our future.I stopped complaining. Instead on what we did not want,I started refocusing our energy on what we wanted to happen. We stopped talking about bills,lack of money or things we was not capable of doing at that time. Instead,we were talking about cars we gonna drive,places we will travel to,businesses we will run. I didn't nag,or rub things in his face.It was all about creating a right mental picture.Gradually we broke all the limitations because we stopped feeding our worries and fears with complains and bad emotions.We created a new norm: there was no chance you could ever hear us using word "broke".I understood one thing : you must act according things you want to attract,not opposite. Act like you already own it.
I would look at this young man...Nothing he can't do. It was only a matter of encouragement and motivation.

That was the key that got all the doors open.

In one year only he started working almost every day of his life,he got big endorsements,flattering awards and nominations,participated in over 30 movies. Somehow things just start falling into place.We got a beautiful,healthy baby boy.
Second year we got another car. I actually got a car I was always dreaming of. This year we moved to a beautiful,new house. We have started several businesses,sorted out our family company and he produced 2 movies on his own.

All the hard work started paying of.From 0 to 100. Literally.

But do you know what? From this point of my life,I am actually endlessly grateful that we met in time we were both on zero. I think that was what built our foundation strong. He did not won my love with cars and luxury gifts. And he knew all my flaws. And we still had deep love and honest friendship between us.Plus now we can brag how we started from the bottom and now we here (lmao) .

But for real,there is nothing that can make a bond and friendship stronger then a process of building a life from scratch. You watch someone's life changing just in front of your eyes.That is magical.You know that even without everything,there was always something.We held our hands with N10k and we still do when things got way better . 

At times I take things I have now for granted,forgetting how hard I used to pray for them back in the days,and now ,by sharing this with you I feel so damn guilty because a life I live now can't possibly be compared to one I had only 3 years ago.

So please fam,let's start this beautiful year with a right kind of attitude. Faith. Gratitude.
Believe in your choice and in yourself. Do not compare yourself to other people's lives,but wish them well.

And settle for your blessings,confess them everyday,with love and peace in your heart. Do not fear,you are not alone.
And please do let me know when your life starts changing.
I want to rejoice with you.




All the best guys!
Love you

Thursday, 29 December 2016

Let The World Go Crazy About You: How To Become IRRESISTIBLE In 2017 ?

Sounds like a plan for 2017 you guys!
Ok,here we go:
I hear girls saying " If I only looked like this babe my life would be easier ".

Well,let me share a secret with you:
It's a not big round ass and tiny waist that makes a woman irresistible. So don't come tell me "I don't have what it need to be noticed or to make the world go crazy about me" because you actually do have it all.

All my physic attributes meant NOTHING until I build my self confidence that was based on what truly defines me. What makes people remember me after all is not big booty but that energy and spark that I leave everywhere I go. The whole magic comes from self-confidence and self awareness.  

God was very generous and He indeed created so many beautiful people. But looking fine means nothing unless you also feel fine within yourself and about yourself in general.
I met girls with perfect bodies and dolly faces that no one took serious, ever. Sometimes I wish they could see themselves through my eyes and get to understand how beautiful they truly are. Despite all the beauty they had,they were always insecure and insecurity means a lack of self value which makes people get tired of you real quick.

I also came across girls that can turn your whole world upside down with just an eye contact. That can make any man follow them to the Moon and back. That can get anything they want with just a smile. Simple girls. Some would say "basic".
 Ok,what is the secret?

What actually makes a woman irresistible and unforgettable ?


1) MAKE PEACE WITH YOURSELF 
 - We are ALL imperfectly perfect. Our imperfections might make us unique as well. So embrace them girl! We are always so busy looking for what to hate on our bodies or busy comparing ourselves to other ladies. Tall girls want to be shorter,short want to grow taller,slim ones wish for curves,curvy ones want to loose some weight,white women tan,black ladies bleach... It's just in women's DNA. But hey!Don't let them idiotic beauty standards confuse you! Irresistible woman is not the one with yellow skin and coke bottle body shape,but the one who feels super comfortable in her skin. It's all about the energy you give out. Rule Number 1: the way you see yourself is the way others will see you. Even if you look like Beyonce and you don't feel good about yourself no one will ever find anything special about you. Period. Flaunt it!Rock it! Enjoy the skin you are in!

2) FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF 
- The fact you made a peace with yourself  is not an excuse not to work on becoming the best possible version of yourself! Just note:The attitude towards your change makes a huge difference on the outcome of this whole process : do not change because you hate yourself and your life,change because you love yourself enough no to settle for anything less but the very best. That effort you put into making a right choices that will benefit you is what will make you fall in love with yourself. It will bring the feeling of pride,excitement and enthusiasm in your heart. You will literally be able to turn yourself on this way. Work on your body,mind and soul because you are all that. It's time to stop being lazy ! Laziness makes us insecure! Read,work out,eat right,pray,meditate,educate yourself,get your diploma,grow,prosper,invest in yourself! You will see what this will do to your self confidence !

3) FORGET WHAT OTHERS SAY ABOUT YOU
-You can't live your life in fear of being judged. Set yourself free. At the end of the day,there is no way you can please everyone. Sexiest women are bold ones. Be a bit of a savage. Be unstoppable. Make sure you are surrounded with positive people that make you feel good and motivate you to grow. Create your own world. Don't ever consider of taking advice of a person you would not like to switch places with. Secondly ,what other people say is only a reflection of who they are,that has nothing to do with you. So stop taking that shit personal. Do your thing boo! You have nothing to prove! 

4) BELIEVE IN YOURSELF 
- You don't need to feel bad if you get underestimated. Not everyone can possibly understand your vision,it was given to you only. Stop looking for people's approval that you are worthy or capable enough to accomplish your mission. At the end of the day,what do they know? Sometimes,even people who love you unconditionally (your parents for example) won't believe in you and your dream. Mine always thought that I was crazy and delusional until they started seeing things happening.However,you should go hard! That idea,spark,vision is in your head is there  for a reason. Believe in God's plan and yourself. Sky is truly a starting point. Go getters always attract the strongest,most powerful kind of people to themselves. 

5) KEEP YOUR STANDARDS HIGH 
-You will always get what you settle for. Do not be afraid to demand or to walk away when you get less of what you deserve. You  are willing to drop your standards out of fear that you'll might be left alone but the truth is others will only loose  respect for you and stop trying for you once they see your standards ain't your own priority. We live in jungle: If you don't stand for yourself no one would ever take you seriously. Learn how to say NO. Who can not meet up with your standards is not for you. As simple as that.

6) BE KIND !!!
- There is nothing more attractive then a kind heart and positive spirit. I mean,I met so many beautiful,gorgeous ladies that stopped being beautiful the moment they opened their mouth. All they do is roll their eyes,hiss and squeeze their face trying to seem important. But is that a manifestation of importance?
Strong,powerful woman always have a  generous,pure heart. And that makes her shine and catch everybody's attention no matter where she turns to. Be that woman. Give a compliment. Make someone's day better. Don't gossip,it's so damn ugly. Stop trying to bring someone down,it won't make you appear any bigger,you will only make you look so miserable and insecure.It will expose your weaknesses. Speak Love and Life into people that crosses paths with you. Affect their lives positively. Inspire.Support others.Help them grow.
You are a blessing my dear.

And no one can ever resist a blessing .

Much Love
XX
                                                    



Tuesday, 27 December 2016

DIVORCE MATTER: Fix it VS Run Away (Should I Stay Or Should I Go?)

Young,old,married or single: I always hear people complaining how marriages do not really last  nowadays. People get married today then they get divorced tomorrow and it's still a taboo,especially from where we are coming from where masses strongly believe that marriage is forever by all means.

I have a couple of friends that have been through this experience,however they mostly get judged for not being mature enough to handle marriage matter the way "they should" and when they point at reasons why they finally decided to go through an extremely stressful process of getting a divorce,this is what they normally get to hear: " Abeg,you knew about all this his features before you married him,so why are you divorcing now?Save your marriage jor". 
But people don't really know that different perspectives,emotions and expectations you have before you get married can make you overlook certain things and secondly we don't know what we can or cannot deal with in huge doses unless we feel it on our skin frequently .

In most of the societies I am familiar with ,there is a strong belief that woman is the one who's job is to keep the marriage. By that,we mostly expect a woman to learn how to stomach and tolerate everything she does not like or she does not agree with for the sake of avoiding drama and arguments. So when marriage falls apart it's normally a woman to be blamed because she was not "strong" or a woman enough to keep it all in place.

One of the reasons why rate of divorce has increased it surely because women got emancipated and more independent (financially) knowing that she does not really need to tolerate everything and anything because her husband is feeding her and her children. Ladies of nowadays are more aware of their rights and worth and I personally think it is absolutely ok not to settle for being mistreated.
But sometimes people also do divorce when they don't know how to find a right approach to the issues they have by focusing so much on it to the point everything positive and good about their relationship fades away and problem is all they see.

What people mostly do not know is that marriage is not a final destination,but a beginning of a whole new chapter that brings a million and one challenge we can't possibly be prepared for.  Leave them empty talks and lectures: No one is ever prepared for something they have never experienced before.We learn things as they come,mostly from our mistakes and that's the catch.

No marriage between two human beings was ever a smooth journey,whether we are crazily in love or we are in it for the sake of a personal interest,but that also does not mean you will call for a divorce after every single argument,right?
Honestly saying, tough times are not even a bad thing because passing through it is what builds a bond between partners and creates a deep strong connection and friendship between two people because no relationship grows within a comfort zone. Trust me.

But there is something you need to know,no matter what are you going through:
Things can be worked out only when there is an effort,compromise,understanding and tolerance that comes from both sides : it must be MUTUAL!

Secondly,I can not tell you what you should tolerate or not,because we all have a different understanding of what suppose to be "normal" or not so normal,but I can share my opinion of what I think LOVE IS NOT and help you do a calculation when it comes to your relationship and choices you are about to make: 

1. Why would your partner stop you from achieving your dreams and life goals? 
Most of the times,when woman is not allowed to focus on her career or use her potentials outside of the house,is because her partner is  insecure about himself and that  has nothing to do with love. Stopping someone from growth is nothing more but an act of selfishness. He is afraid you would over shine him,make him feel less of a man by becoming more successful then he is or get a chance to meet people (men) that might be out of his league.

2. Who has a right to disrespects you and make you feel bad ?
The person you are with should encourage you,motivate you and make you feel like the most special human being in the world not to destroy your self confidence or make you feel useless by always rubbing your flaws in your face. Again,this is also an act of insecurity : some people have a need to constantly bring their partners down so they can feel better in their skin because they suffer from a self esteem issues.

3. Physical  or mental abuse :
How can this ever be an act of love? Love is really not wicked! And how can anyone come and tell you to put your marriage first if your life might be in danger? This normally goes with a pathological jealousy and deep trust issues the other person might have which also means a terrible mental torture. However,no one deserves to be a punching bag. You are a human being amazing enough to be loved and be treated with care and respect.Your partner should make you feel safe not terrified and traumatized. PERIOD!

4. Do you get cheated and lied on?
 Well I know that so many of you actually made a peace with infidelity by convincing yourselves that it's something normal and expected  ("All men cheat" etc),but I still must say a word:
Can an average man accept the same "philosophy" when it comes to their woman?Ever?Do not forget,women also cheat as same as men do just in a different,less obvious ways.
But that is not the matter. If  his actions and behavior does not hurt you or make you feel bad and if you feel like you can actually live with it,then it's ALL GOOD AND FINE,but if NOT,you don't have to settle for it while shouting "Every man does it" around so you can console your heart.
I think that this issue is deeper because I don't think partnership and friendship  between two people can exist if there is no honesty and trust.That would make things so stressful and personally  I won't be able of dealing with it.

However,
Good relationships between people do not grow on trees for sure,we build them through ups and downs by focusing on goodness and love.

But also,I do not think you must stay in marriage by all means ,especially when it becomes a source of frustration and pain. That is not a purpose of a union between two people. You are not a victim. And you are in charge over your life.

At the end of the day,there is no such thing as a bad decision as long as we live according to it.


Friday, 23 December 2016

Why You Don't Progress In Life?

Life is like a video game.
You can't pass to the next level until you solve a challenge of your current situation.
See it this way: experience and wisdom are like points in a video game you need to collect so you can cross over. You will need them later on. Best believe that everything happens for a reason and in your favor.
Some particular life chapters seem to be impossible to solve. You know that feeling when you don't know what to do anymore. You simply feel helpless and tired and you start believing that your problem is forever.
Well these moments are,God knows,the most important ones and ,just like the most challenging levels in every video game,they normally lead to a great reward. But you have to find your way to accomplish it.
It's for our own good.

I'm know for sure how difficult,almost impossible seems to find a gratitude in your heart especially when it seems like your world is falling apart. But that is the key.
Key is to find strength.
How does strength feels like?
No ,strong people are not the ones that complain the most. Not the ones who look for excuses.
The strongest creatures God almighty ever created are ones who truly find love and positive emotion in themselves when everything seems lost.

A honest,deep emotion of gratitude and idea that you are loved and that everything will eventually turn into your favor. 

You have to refocus.
You have to move.
Get excited.
Step out the box.
Change your point of view.
Surround yourself with positive voices and language of love and good vibe. Not with ones that must gossip,criticize,complain and look for flaws in others to make themselves feel better.
Invest in yourself.
Believe in goodness.
Use your own power to confess life you want and focus on that picture untill that ugly,scary picture you have about your life fades away. 

It's not about fear.
It's all about unconditional faith.

I did all this.
From depression,sadness and misery I turned my life into something way better. Into something pleasant.
Me,God in me,my strong will and vision I stubbornly focused on about how I want my life to look like.

I did it.
You can too!


How To Attract An Ideal Partner & A Healthy Relationship

Are you tired of attracting the wrongest kind of the people into your life?
You don't even know what are you doing wrong?

Let this be your guide for 2017 :

1) "All the men/women are the same"
This is the attitude that will help you attract exactly the same. In life we truly get nothing more and nothing less then what we settle for. If your mind truly believes that there are no good,honest,loyal,carrying and loving people out there,you will get what you believe is "available". Life always gives us situations that matches with our beliefs. No doubt.
If you want to attract something good you must feel good and positive about it. Let thoughts about your future romance bring you excitement not headache!

2) Leave your past in the PAST!
You can't let bad experiences stop you from enjoying the future that could be so beautiful and bright ! No matter how badly you have been  hurt and disappointed,you have to make a peace with it. It probably happened for a reason and the best is yet to come. Stop living in there. Stop stressing over things u you can't change.Secondly,don't get it twisted:our past experiences do not teach us a lesson about others (men/women in general). It helps us get to know ourselves better! These experiences helps us understand what we truly want and what we don't want. And that is what is helping us grow. So be grateful for everything you have been through.
If you want to be able to enjoy and recognize good things and amazing people/person God planned for you,you better let go of fears and frustrations you carry like a heavy,dusty old load from your past. Set yourself free.

3) You are in charge of your happiness!
Stop being unhappy because you are single and learn how to be happy all by yourself. The biggest illusion of all is a belief that someone will enter your life and all your problems will vanish. The truth is,if you don't learn how to feel good all by yourself,you will never ever be able to be happy with anyone else! You will always feel like something is missing and you will insist that it's because your partner is not giving you enough and you will always feel unfulfilled,incomplete and never satisfied which will affect the quality of your relationship,even in case you have the most loving and carrying person by your side. It's simple: You can't give what you don't have. You are the only person in this whole wide world who can grant yourself a peace of mind and a happiness. Again,when you learn how to feel happy and fulfilled all by yourself,you will never accept to be unhappy with another human being.

4) What about  relationship with yourself?
You really think that the only relationship that deserves your efforts and time  is the one you want to build with another human being? You are so sad because you are single ,you feel alone and lonely but guess what? You have YOU! Enjoy your single days ,please yourself in every possible way.Why don't you start treating yourself with love and respect before you expect anyone else to do so? Show other people the way you need to be treated  by giving them  an example and they will follow. You matter. You are worthy. You deserve to be treated like the most special person in the world. You are a blessing. So act accordingly! Pamper yourself. Set your standards high. You can't expect others to do for you what you can't do for yourself. 

5) Be honest!
You don't need to pretend. You don't need to be a Mother Teresa to be loved.  You don't have to sugarcoat your life story to meet up with someone's moral standards or life philosophy.You are good enough the way you are. Mistakes? Embarrassings? Common! Who was not there?Make peace with it and with your past. That's what made you!You have to understand that you have nothing to prove. Stop living in fear of being judged or misunderstood because who ends up feeling that way about you definitely is not for you. You don't have to impress anyone or show them that you are a great catch. You should know what defines you,and that's not your mistakes. However,you will only know the true love if you are transparent. That's how you will know that your partners loves you simply for who you are ,not for an idea of you he has in his head. 

6) What you give is what you get!
You want a partner who is successful,honest,loyal,romantic..But can you be all that?The best way to get what you want in life  is to be that and live according to it.. Life is truly  a one big mirror. So work on yourself. People around you are reflection of who you are. 


7)Know your damn worth!
Why do people take you for granted? Why do people mistreat you? Blackmail you and manipulate you emotionally? Why do you stay even when it hurts?Because you don't know your worth!When you feel like your partner is doing you a favor by being with you(because you are not aware of how powerful your addition into someone's life is) you hold on to him/her desperately,despite things that you clearly know are wrong. And that's how you become a weak link. Trust me,your partner can give importance only if you confidently (even bit arrogantly) know how much of a blessing you are. You need to know "what you bring to the table". You must understand why are you so irreplaceable. So unique and special. Self love,self respect,self confidence is what makes a human being so damn irresistible. The way you see yourself is the picture of you others will have.

Sunday, 18 December 2016

When Your World Is Falling Apart...

If you are passing through a very tough period of your life where you feel things are only falling apart then this is for you.
Do you believe that every single person on planet earth ,no matter money or status they have,no matter how perfect you think their lives are,passes through such periods.
Each human being meets a very special challenges on their journeys.
Some will bring you sleepless nights. Pain. Headache. Doubt. Fear. And worst of all: the feeling that you are not in charge. The feeling of helplessness. 
At times you feel it will never end. At times you want to give up. Settle. 
But let me remind you somethings before you do:
1) Nothing good ever came out of comfort zone. This difficult and painful paths normally lead to something extraordinary big. 
2) You will ether pass of fail this test. Hold on the your vision tight. Devil is a lier and a deceiver. The greatest ones are not the best ones but the ones that don't give up. 
3) You can never be given a battle you can't win. It's within you: the strength,capacities,braveness,courage,wisdom and power. You can do ! Believe in your Creator.
4) You are not a victim of circumstances.Stop acting like one. You are in charge of your life. That is your greatest power.
5) Complain? Nag? Nah! Confess greatness if you want to testify it.
6) Nevet ever regret anything. First of all,we can't take the time back. So there is no much point of you tearing yourself apart over things you can't change. You were always at the right place at the time and every decision and action of yours added something priceless into your life. One thing leads to another,you just have to believe that it happens in your favor and for your own sake. You are that blessed.

Always remember,when things are falling apart,they are actually falling into place.

Your greatest blessings are yet to come. 

Xx

Saturday, 17 December 2016

Different Religious Beliefs And Marriage


When I was choosing my life partner,honestly,I never thought or gave importance to any of categories most of people find so important ,such as skin color,ethnicity or religion. I believe that these are superficial ways to label people and that we are much more then these categories we belong to.
I strongly believe that what should make difference between people is wisdom,ambition,kind heart,passion,love and sense for humanity in general.

However,I am getting messages from you guys asking me if a good marriage between people of different religious beliefs is possible and I as well have a couple of friends that were "cought" in between love and religion and I know how they struggled to understand what exacty is a right choice.

I can only talk from my perspective and I also do understand the whole concept of religion in my own way.
First of all I believe in God. And God is Love. Period.
And Love is the foundation of every religion on planet Earth.
I simply cannot accept any teaching that is against Love between two fellow human beings. 

Secondly I believe in human race. How can a God use religion to divide human kind? 

Thirdly,I think that problem is in egocentric nature of human kind. We simply expect the rest of the world to believe in what we believe or to see the world through our eyes and tradition.And when they don't ,we see it as an issue,we take it personal and it becomes a source of conflicts.

But ,personally,my attitude towards differences is quite different..In fact differences are what makes this our planet earth such a beautiful place.
                                                  
I don't think any relationship can ever work,with or without interfaith matter ,if both partners are not flexible,tolerant and understanding. Wether is matter of religion or any other thing,no one likes to be forced into anything. That is not an act of love.You have to  respect your partner's beliefs even if you don't have plans of adopting them. He/She has to the same. And that IS an act of love. Acceptance.

When you step out of your comfort zone and decide to follow your heart and end up getting married to someone who is not from your cultural background in general,people around you will always have their opinion about it,regardlessly. I'm telling you from my very own experience. Family will not always believe in your choice.They won't always understand you or support you .But let me tell you the truth:
Most of the times reasons behind such attitude are superficial to the core.
I don't know about you,but I can not even think of considering an opinion that does not make any logical sense to me,even if it comes from my own mother because it's not her that is going to live with my regrets.

Another issue of interfaith relationships,people believe,is a challenge of raising kids .Even thou you feel like there is a drastic difference between religious teachings,I think that fundamental values are the same in each and every religion (if we forget idiotic stereotypes and misinterpretations) and I feel like every religion preaches Love,Forgiveness,Generosity,Faith,Gratitude;Humanity etc.Can you go wrong with teaching your kids all this norms and values?

There is no such thing as bad religion. (Does God even have a religion?).There are only bad people.
The same religious beliefs or culture is a far from a guarantee that your partner will treat you right and be able to wake up the most beautiful feelings in you.

I think you should always give Love a chance and try and suffocate sterotypes because they never do any good. If it's meant to be,you will conquer all the obstacles,because what was meant to be will always be.

As long as there is Love,Care and Tolerance,
We are all One.


Friday, 16 December 2016

Recover Your Relationship: Smart Ways To Avoid Arguments

I have a hot temper by nature and because of that I had serious difficulties to control myself and maintain a normal conversation or exchange of opinions especially when I get emotional or passionate.
At first I never thought this is something I should work on because I did not understand a power of a good communication. I did not know that it's not what you say ,but how you say it. I did not know that a quality of communication is one of the fundamental norms of a healthy relationships with the people around you.

My husband and I are pretty much alike,both very passionate and emotional. His temper is also hot and if I tell you we did not fight I would lie. Arguments can drain you and most of the time are pointless because I can't remember if we ever solved an issue hot headed.
At the end of the day,why to waste precious time you have with someone you love fighting?

So with time,I actually learnt importance of finding a right ways to express myself and experience helped us discover ways that will definitely help you too improve your communication skills and save your relationship from toxic fights and unnecessary arguments.
Once I started living according this facts,the relationship I have with my husband changed for good:

1) We are all different:
-No matter how alike we can be,we all do understand and feel the world around us in a different way. You might hurt or offend someone without even knowing and someone might cause you a pain without intention to make you feel bad. Don't take everything personal.

2) Speak your truth without a need to convince others in it:
-Your partner doesn't have to agree with everything you believe in and that's just ok. That doesn't make him wrong. Nether you are right. Or wrong. Love is acceptance: sometimes you just have to accept his/hers opinion without trying to change it.

3) You are not an enemies;
Anger and frustration can make a person blind,but..HELLO! It's the two of you against the world not against each order. You play for the same team and despite the misunderstanding y'all have,that is the person who loves and cares about you.

4)"I told you so"
And so what? Who doesn't make mistakes? When things go wrong that's the time for you to motivate him/her not to discourage him/her totally.  I'm sure your partner now understands that you had a point but common! You don't have to be annoying.

5) Listen to understand,not to reply.
We all do have ego and ego always wants to be right. And that is why ego makes you egocentric. Your argument is not a court case and no one wins. You should listen to understand where your partner is coming from not just because you can't wait to prove him wrong

6) Ask without accusing .
Just remember how terrible you felt everytime you got accused for something you did not do. Nothing hurts more then when person you love does not trust you. Ask before you jump into conclusions. Also remember: Your doubts and allegations are most of the times product of your insecurities and fears

7) Make peace with Past
No matter what your partner did in the past,if you have forgiven him/her and accepted to move on,then stop bringing it in every other argument you guys have. It can only add oil to the fire and refocus your energy to a very destructive direction.

8) Don't curse,insult or raise your voice
Even though you might say things you don't mean,always know that words are sharper then knife: you'll might forget all the nasty things you said but your partner won't and he might secretly hold it against you .You have absolutely no right to disrespect another human being everytime your head gets hot,especially not a person you have chosen  to be your life partner .

9) Learn how to put yourself in your partner's shoes
Again,we are made to be egotistical creatures and we can truly understand only things we feel on our skin. But with love there must come ability to put yourself in ur partner's shoes so you can know where it pains and from there you would be able to understand his/hers behavior/actions/mood  better.

Thursday, 15 December 2016

Being a Good Housewife Does Not Mean You Are A Good Wife

A Good Woman. What a definition of a good woman according to you?
What makes an Ideal Wife?

When you brag about a wife material matter you are like : She does all the house works.She cleans well. She dresses decently. She is quiet and she is very homely.Always in the kitchen.A good houswife indeed.
But does that automatically makes her a good wife?Is a good housewife the same as a good wife?

But if all these housewife skills are the  reason why a man predominantly decided to make you his wife,don't you think he could as well go and marry one proper maid? Nothing you can do that she can't.

I hear them saying :that is a way to take care of a man. Well.. 
Is it? In that case everyone else could do your job,isn't it? Then what makes you so irreplaceable in his life? 

Marriage is a partnership on a project called Life. It does not take a nuclear science for you to know how to scrub bathroom well,but not everyone can be a good partner. By partner I mean someone who always got your back. Someone who will always push you out of your comfort zone in order for you to grow. A wise woman with vision and with a  backup masterplan ideas.

Good partner will catch you when you fall,encourage you when you are down and believe in you when you don't even believe in yourself.When you have a magic in you to motivate him and feed  him with positive energy and enthusiasm. When you don't only  nag or point at his failures. When you don't rub his mistakes in his face with "I told you so". Instead of "what we gonna do now?" ,you got him with "I have a plan .." and  "I got an idea".

I truly believe that woman is a blessing to a man.A special woman can help you grow into a billionaire and still grant you a peace of mind.And s wise man do listen to his woman,they don't underestimate  or discredit her 
Good relationship is the one where you mutualy make each other better in every possible way. 
What does cooking or cleaning has to do with that?

I mean,if your woman can't cook you can  always hire a cook but who you gonna "hire" if she can't be your best friend and your partner in crime?

Again,I am talking from my life experience (clearly).
For example,you can't turn my husband on by being a passive housewife even thou he is a true African man who was brought up to think that it should be a norm.But it just does not impress him. The truth is,nothing can really move him like ambition, seeing his woman all vibrant,positive,thinking and acting like a goal getter.

But again I know,there are men who's ego just does not agree with an idea of having a woman who can equally participate in any other segment of their lives other then  matters considering kitchen or bedroom. Anything more then that would make them feel like a less of a man.Such guys have a need to feel dominant and superior in every possible way over their women and opinionated women make them feel super intimidated.If you can handle such,go for it,but eheemm no be my portion.

But  HEY!Please do not get me wrong. I don't think that woman should take ovet man's role,nether I find it attractive. I still like my man to be a man and me to feel like his woman . I just think that this whole "wife material=housewife" thing is way too overrated and cleaning and cooking skills is not what    determines a woman's worth and value.

But listen,a man that has my heart and makes me feel like the most important person in the world surely must have the best of me. If you make me feel like a Queen ,through thick and thin,you deserve to be treated like a King everyday of your life.
I can do anything for my guy. And there is nothing I can't do and whatever I decide to do I do it  the best (yes I do), just that the difference is I won't do it because I feel like I am under an obligation to prove that I am a "correct" woman or out of fear that someone would say that I am not,but because I want to see a smile on his face. We are comming from different parts the world so you can imagine that joy he feels when he comes home and there is egusi soup waiting. The whole magic of love is in doing things out of our way with a smile on our faces to make our loved ones happy (when mutual of course).

But what makes me irreplaceable in my husband's life is not my kitchen skills.It's the fact his life changed from the moment we started our journey together.It marked a beginning of a whole another,brand NEW chapter of his life (and mine too).
He started growing and prospering. His life,career,spiritual and financial growth..everything went from 0 to 100.

No other woman ever had such an impact on his life and that is why I am his wife,not because I dress like a nun,sit in the house all day or pound yam until I faint.



Thanks for all the shares and comments,
Love you guys
xx



Wednesday, 14 December 2016

Why Are Cheaters The Most Possessive And Jealous Partners

What an irony huh?
Do you know what is the other name for extremely nice and kind people ? Naive.
There is a reason why we refer to super good people as naive: because they don't see evilness ,malice etc - they don't recognize it simply because they don't give it out and it does not exist in them.
We subconsciously see in others what lives in us. That's why the best way to judge someone is by the way he talks and thinks about others.

So that's how I noticed that the most possessive and jealous partners are ironically unfaithful ones.
Of course they know what they do and they secretly do expect the same behavior from others.
Such men lock their women in the house,they don't let them have friends,hang out or go out,they are forbidden to dress up and look sexy.
Women are not any better. I remember,before I met my husband,no man was ever able to keep my attention for too long. I was never really faithful in my past relationships so I know how possessive I used to be. You suspect every stupid little thing,you don't want person you are with to have a life at all and you feel like you must supervise everything in person's life because you know very well what you do.

Cheaters as well have trust issues because lies are not unfamiliar to them.


Well,I if you think you can handle it....


Xx



Am I Afraid Of Bad Intentions/Curse/Juju?

I remember how they used to warn me not to talk about my life or share my happiness on social media,because "people are jealous " and it's not good for them to know what brings joy into my life because they can "curse me".

Honestly,even where am coming from,we have an old belief that "evil eye" do exist and it's normally pointed at something nice,beautiful and admirable.

Here in Africa a lot of  people do believe in a power of bad intention,also juju (voodoo) AKA black magic jealous and envious people use to harm others and I will never forget how my Nigerian family members used to call me to beg me to be careful that "private life is a happy life" because others won't have a chance to use my "happiness" against me.

People in Nigeria (Africa in general) talk about this matter with so much fear so I had to give it a thought.

But let me tell you what I think:
We give life  to everything we believe in.
And, there is one thing about me,everything I believe in and every life philosophy I follow must CONTRIBUTE and ADD positively into my life and my state of mind that is oriented to prosperity,abundance and progress. I don't just get influenced with beliefs anyhow.

So I did a simple calculation: If I adapt this belief,what do I get? If I accept it it and really start living according to it ,what would my life turn to? I would never be free,my mind would turn into my own prison and fear and doubt would take over my being.

Also,what you focus on grows EVERY SINGLE DAY in EVERY SINGLE WAY. I can't imagine the struggle of people that believe in a power of an evil intention/juju/voodoo/curse.

First of all,how TERRIBLE is an idea that another human being(s),a fellow mortals,have a power to determine and affect your life ? How is that even possible? Who is that big?

Secondly,whatever you believe in appears in everything and everywhere around you. I'm sure that such people see a cause of someone's bad intention or curse against them in every single thing that is happening in their lives. That's how you start feeling helpless and unfortunate. The best combination for a very terrible and miserable living.

So make sure your beliefs serve you the best before you adopt them. Let's say-if you don't believe in God ,you can never ever testify His miracles. If you believe,you would see them every single day. It's the same with good or bad luck,or power of evil intention,curse,voodoo.

Do you know what's my motto? Even when I'm passing through very tough paths and due very challenging life times,I believe I am LOVED and FORTUNATE and  that difficult moments are just a bumby ride to my blessings. A tough shortcut that will bring me to something very amazing. If I loose something I believe it's for something better to come.I always repeat,it's not the situation but your attitude towards the situation that will make you win or loose.

Evilness and hatred  does not have power over you if you don't feed it with your attention,energy and fears.



Tuesday, 13 December 2016

Let Me Tell You Who Writes Bad Comments Under My IG Pictures

First of all,as you know me very well by know you know I like to ignore negativitiy. In fact,I love to ignore it because something you do not acknowledge does not exist. Sometimes,just sometimes,when I see a whole another level of stupidity,I'm tempted to let my sarcastic side enjoy small because some things are just hilarious and I simply can not resist them. LOL

However,I always feel like the biggest curse of human kind the fact that we always focus on negative things and never embrace positive ones enough.

So ,talking on this matter,comparing to all the love and support I get from you guys,nasty comments are almost irrelevant,and if you follow me on social media you know I would always rather reply to a loving and kind comment then to entertain a fool.

Secondly,in my entire life,I never EVER had anyone writing a negative or insultive comments from a real page.

I seriously got to the conclusion that people who hide under fake pages to write rubbish are actually not many: only few different individuals that are continuously making fake pages (at least in my case) each and every time they get blocked. It is obvious because the vocabulary and content is pretty much the same.
I told my husband once that we would laugh if we could see through these fake accounts because I'm sure we would see people we actually know : mostly people from our past that are desperately refusing to move on and they can not come cope,maybe also some "current" friends aka frenemies  that have allergy once they see good news and I think that the smallest precent of such people are ones that we actually do not that for some reason get upset and angry with our expressions on social media.

Honestly,back in the days this cyber bullying used to upset me and I used to take it personal  because it was all new to me but now I do understand better.

If the same thing is happening to you,don't let it get to you or ruin your mood  because you actually have one crazy ass fan that can't get you out of his/her head. Congratulations,that means you are on a good track ;)

I personally love to block them. Hehe
Why?
Because I am mean and evil (at time) and I know how much stress they have to go through to open another account which can also get blocked in less then a second. (*evil laugh*)

Again,please,don't let this things get to you. After all,it's just a virtual world.

Ok guys,lets still be kind,lets pray for all the ex girlfriends,ex friends,neighbours,inlaws,family members,baby mamas and their loyal friends and partners in crime to get one better life and wisom to start using their free time in more productive manners. 

Love is all we need.
Bless you 
XX

Why Is SEX All They Want From You?

I received tones of messages and emails recently from mostly young girls asking me to help them understand why it seems like they can't find a man that wants anything deeper then a casual sexual relationship.
You  probably feel like you are doing something wrong and that problem must be in you since no man is interested in having a stable relationship with you.
That is how you developed an opinion about yourself : that you are not worthy enough,intelligent enough,interesting enough. Otherwise why would they see nothing but couple of breast and ass in you.

See what is the thing:

When you don't know what defines you and when you are not familiar with your own worth,you lack confidence.
Once you lack confidence you are weak and men can feel it because it comes with fears (just like in jungle where predators look for vulnerable,weak,timid animals,but you won't see lion going after a tiger). That is why you are their target when they are trying to "get lucky".

You feel lost,confused,insecure,and you need man's attention desperately so you can feel better in your skin.

Especially when you desperately want to be engaged in a serious relationship,you secretly tend to give a chance to everyone,and everyone is a potential boyfriend to you until they prove you that was not what they came for.
Men do take advantage of a woman that is not aware of herself because that woman is in constant fear. She is afraid to say "NO" because she does not want to push her "potential boyfriend" away.
She is afraid to stand for herself and she drops her criteria and standards so low and that is why men find space to treat her anyhow.
Then after they finish with you and you see them next day with another girl or they stop picking your calls ,you start feeling terribly useless and worthless.

It is well my dear.
No one was born wise. Young girls do not know because no one teaches them.

No one teaches young girls self love and self respect. They simply PROHIBIT us from doing particular things (we anyways end up doing  most of the times) because it's "wrong", "shameful" or "disgraceful" but they still don't teach us our worth,powers and many reasons why we run this game and why are we a captains of their ships. They don't teach us to believe in ourselves and our worth,instead they teach us to be afraid of being judged,pointed at or labeled.

So nothing is wrong with you. You have so much to offer,in fact I am sure you are much more then you know now. But instead of focusing so desperately on getting a man who will love you and adore you for who you are,you should first learn how to love and adore yourself for who you are. Find what  you are good at and embrace it to perfection . Discover your skills,your strengths and understand that you are a precious diamond. Once you understand who are you and where you stand,what you bring to the table will give you a confidence on another level,guys will loose power they have over you and you will gain yours.

Treat yourself with so much love,pamper yourself ,do for yourself all these things you want to receive from your ideal man so your standards can rise up.

Most importantly,make peace with yourself and your life. Stop letting your past experiences make you feel bad about yourself. You are not your mistakes.We learn,we change we grow. 4 years ago I did not know 2% of what I know now.

Work on yourself doll and remember,

You are the boss.

Monday, 12 December 2016

Naija Big Girls,Pimps,Runs Girls & Sonia

This is a story I must share with y'all since you have been so faithful with your views,comments,love and support. I think y'all deserve juicy something after all.

So,my husband,Ik,found me on social media  The first moment he saw my pictures he told people that were around him at that moment "Y'all look at this girl,I just saw my wife ".
He was on set shooting a movie and the whole crew laughed at him.
"Ik,even if this kind of a girl fly all the way from wherever she is coming from to see you,after 5 days she would leave you for one billionaire,politician or oil mogul like that,receive sense please ".

He just smiled,.
So that is my Ik. Without any big money in his account at that time,without a powerful family name,he did not doubt his vision,not for a second. "That girl is my wife". Period. His confidence is just a material for a whole another story.

However,I came to Lagos (after only 3 weeks of us chatting day and night,well my madness is also a story for another day lol).We started our relationship,in fact to be very honest,we started living together,immediately. I did not consider myself a "wife material" in any possible way,nether I was dying to get married, so I always used to ask him why is he so sure that I will become his wife. He said "you already are my wife. A man simply knows,he feels it in his heart".

Hmmmm. Okkkkk ohhh (well I am now hehe).
However,as you guys know,we started showing up publicly everywhere together,I met (literally) all the "it" Lagos people and surely a lot of "big Lagos girls" since he knew most of them for years.
Duhh,I like to see fine girls,For real.Lagos babes carried me away. Always dressed up,dolled up,fine!
But hmmm.. as we were all hanging out,for some reason ladies used to ask for my number,which would be very ok if it was not behind Ik's back. Like why would you not want my man to know that you,his sister and friend,want to get my number?
Lol
The offers I used to get. You guys!

"My boss would like to meet you"
"Someone wants to see you,person is big,Google him,he can change your life"
"Darling don't be stupid,don't waste your beauty"
"It's ok that you have your boo,but you need someone to maintain your beauty"
"20 000$?"
"He wants to fly you to Dubai to get to know you"
"Be wise"
"Ik does not need to know"

What .. Wait.. Whooow.. For real??
Nigeria and money. Damn.

Ok...If I say I judge them for their life choices and ways ,I would lie. Honestly,I don't understand  how and why would a man give someone all that money in exchange for a vagina,but you guys... that money men use to pay for ladies in Nigeria is CRAZY!
Are young girls tempted? Of course they are. It is not easy beeing a beautiful girl in Nigeria ,especially if you was not born with a silver spoon. Even I felt some type of way when  I heard numbers these ladies were calling. Like things an average human being would have to work for his entire life someone can just come and give you in a week. Let's be realistic: would you not give it a thought?

However .
What did I do?
Tempted or not,it was too late.I already got attached to this young man that has so much kindness,care,love and wisdom in himself. A brave young man who's confidence,honesty,faith and non judgmental attitude towards me and my whole life story made me fall in love. A man who started from zero without anyone's support or help,all by himself,with so much determination and passion to make something SUPER big out of his life. A man that was sure that I was his missing rib.


Secondly,I knew he had a bad experiences from  his past (most of the ladies he used to date used to have multiple sugar daddies/sponsors on the side,it was almost a norm).

I guess they did not see what I saw.

So....

I told Ik everything. Everytime they call or even ask for my number ,we already knew whats up.He never took actions of his female friends/colleagues personal. Same here,at this point,I don't think they are bad or evil people,I still like most of them in a way,what they tried to do is just a reflection of their own reality and lifestyle. I don't even think their intention was bad ,girls pray to meet such wealthy men everyday. I guess they just thought we could all (me and them) benefit out of it(PIMPING).

What was really important  to Ik was the fact that I was honest and transparent with him and I'm sure his heart smiled because it seemed like his intuition about me did not fail him.

But I was VERY surprised.
With myself. Something was so unusual and different.
In my whole life,I was never completely honest or faithful to any man. Ever.Ever. This is not even a matter of a morals (I did not have much of it to be very honest) .  I saw my blessing.

That was a sign big enough .
Nothing really mattered more then one man's heart and no money would be able to buy me that.

Finally,with all the confidence in my heart,for the first time I knew : I have found the One.



Getting Married Does Not Mean You Won A Jackpot!Why So Desperate For Marriage?

Who teaches all these girls that marriage is an absolute purpose of female's existence? In 21st century I still have a feeling like all they teach you since you are born is how to make a "good wife" and "catch" someone who will marry you. Since very early age they teach girls how to suffocate and sacrifice their own NATURE,dreams ,needs and ambitions ,they tell them,in many different ways they must settle and accept/stomach/tolerate whatever it takes,all for sake of "protecting" the marriage,while men are allowed to act how they feel like acting.

That is why most of the women I come across act like getting married is the highest level of acknowledgement a female can get. Like it's a lifetime recognition or something. Like a damn piece of paper (marriage certificate) is a proof that you are better and more superior then other ladies without a husband (?!).

All this would not bother me if I did not see how deep this matter is .Things women do to "catch" a husband? Disturbing.

Let's start with pregnancy.
Intentionally getting pregnant so you can get someone to marry you-common!
Do you REALLY think that you have no other quality that would make someone fall in love and spend a life with you but someone's DNA in your womb? Why is your opinion about your own self that low?
Even of you get married that way,you think that's a success?An accomplishment? Once you receive sense you will understand that marriage is not a FINAL GOAL,it's just a BEGINNING of a whole new chapter with challenges on it's own where you would need a constant support,understanding and compromise for sake of having a peace of mind. So how you think someone who doesn't give a damn about you will help you build a good,happy life? You will suffer even more,every day of your life..but hey,you are married,point proven right? Your church members and your village is happy with you,what more could be more important than that?

You can't force someone into marriage. I mean you can but you can't force them into loving you. No amount of "wife matter" skills,cooking skills,voodoo,juju,blackmails,manipulations or threats can grant you a happy life with someone who does not care about your well being.

Secondly I feel bad and embarrassed on a behalf of the whole womanhood when I see you acting like man is doing you a favor by generously deciding to make you his wife. Like WTF? Is that why you want to kill yourself trying to impress with cooking and cleaning  for someone who is not even sure of acknowledging you as his girlfriend so you can make them see "how good you are" and how much of a "wife material" you are.

Why do you constantly throw your efforts,your best at someone who might not be interested to know (not even handle) your worst? Don't you think that the best of you should be kept for someone who cares about you and who accepts and loves you just the way you are?

Again. What exactly is marriage?
All you want is a celebration and a peace of paper aka marriage certificate?
It's a life,emotions,care,understanding ,encouragement,support,passion and moments you guys share together that really matters and somehow people just do not even think about it. All this can't be faked all because  your friends got married and you feel left out.

I am married,even thou I thought I was never going to get married simply because I did not believe in an institution on marriage because I saw how many people do live a very miserable lives just for sake of having a "correct" picture for society and prove that their life is also "to the book" like it "suppose" to be.
What I understand now is that is most of people do marry for a very wrong reasons,mostly for approval they seek from people around them,to avoid being judged or criticzed.
They settle and that is why they are not happy and that is why marriage seems so be so damn boring most of the times when you look from the outside.

I love my husband more then I can express,of course, we have ups and downs, but our foundation is unbreakable. Why? Because he first got to know my worst,he did not run because I did not appear as a Virgin Mary,instead he was wise enough and  saw my best through it and brought it out of me. We were real. No sugar coating,no "wife material" pretending. I was just me,he was just him and that is what makes us fall in love with each other every day. I call it spiritual ,emotional and mental nakedness.

Marriage certificate itself  is so irrelevant in a life we share together.

Focus on right things and you will have them.
Focus on formalities and that's all you gonna get-a boring formal life.
Most of all,know your worth. He will want to spend his life with you because you are a magical woman,a blessing,the most beautiful good luck charm in his life. A Queen. Not a desperate housewife  that wanted to get married by fire by force because she is "not getting any younger".

Be patient,believe,love yourself and never settle.
The best is yet to come.



Thank you for all the love and support.
Your shares and comments means a lot
.
xx




Sunday, 11 December 2016

TurnOff: Your Man Does Not Want You To Need Him

Do you feel unappreciated? You feel like attention you get from your man is not enough despite everything you do for him. You try so hard ,you dress up,you wear clothes he likes,you fix your hair the way he likes,you cook his favorite meals,you do everything you believe will please him.

And there is nothing wrong with that right?
Surely,when you do it to put a smile on his face and when you do all this things to make the person you love happy.

But there is a PROBLEM when you do it to earn approval.
Approval that you are worthy. Good enough. Beautiful.
Approval that you are a real woman . A good woman.
Like your whole existence does not matters without his "certificate".

You need to stop trying to earn love. One is loved simply because he/she is loved,despite all the imperfections or flaws,not because one earned it.

Have you ever been in need of anything? Money,time,attention,love,sex..anything? 
Need is almost equal to DESPERATION,followed with a feeling of not having what you want and accent is hardly on the fact that you don't own it,it's not yours or you are not good/fortunate enough to have it. 
My dear friends,there is no bigger turn off then desperation.
Think about guys you find desperate aka "thirsty". You'd run aways from such dude immediately.
Like why would you want to give a chance to someone who doesn't believe he's good enough himself? 

So that is exactly what turns your man off. He secretly wants you to know yourself what you got(what you workin' with lol) regardlessly. 
It's like you want to sell a product and you don't believe in effectiveness or quality of it. Who would buy it? Would you buy from such seller in the market  yourself because he is begging you to buy it? Of course not. 

Sounds silly,but it's pretty much the same thing with people. 
Stop being in need.
You actually don't need anyone to make you feel good and that way no one will have power to make you feel bad. You must learn to be happy all alone,by yourself. No man or relationship can save you or change your life if you don't have a healthy and loving relationship with yourself first. 

And that relationship with yourself also requires efforts-it does not fall the sky. You have to work on yourself. On your career,inner peace,financial independence and happiness. On your spiritual and emotional growth. On your body and soul. Once you can do it and have it all by yourself suppoerted by self confidence and self awarness,you will never settle for being mistreated in a miserable relationship  because someone does one or two things  for you that you can't do for yourself. If you are happy alone you would never tolerate to be unhappy with other human being and you will be very selective with the type of people you let come close to you.

That is why insecure men love their women being disable to take care of themselves so they can control them. Not just financially. They like them to be insecure and desperate so they can feel like someone is doing them a favor by being with them. That helps insecure man feel worthy.
On the other hand,normal,a confident man would never be attracted to such ladies and that is why you as a woman,you need to know what defines you and you need to be aware of your worth and not to look for someone else to acknowledge it.

So as you can see ,a real woman can do it all by herself..
But guess what?
Real man would never let her,because he still like his woman to feel like a woman. ;)

Lovr yourself,Love him,don't need him.



Thanks for all the love and support! 
Your comments and shares means a lot!
Much Love 




Saturday, 10 December 2016

8 HABITS OF MISERABLE AND FAILED LIFE

Life happens. Different situations pop up and that's how it is to every single one of us.
When things are not going our way we are surely unhappy,frustrated,worried,maybe even to the point we enter depression.
Somehow,we were taught to be controlled by circumstances we find ourselves in to the point we don't  even consider possibility  of approaching the same situation from a different angle,poin of view or with a different attitude towards it . 

What makes us feel bad is not an external factor or something that happens without our control or approval. It's not a circumstance that trigs the negative emotion. It's the way we see it,understand it and a meaning we attatch to it. 

True reasons of our unhappiness lays somewhere here :

1) YOU COMPETE 
Comperism and competitive attitude opens great door for ENVY and JEALOUSY. That competitive attitude makes you see others as a threat and makes you feel like they are TAKING SOMETHING AWAY FROM YOU by them doing good. The truth is ,it opens space for our fears to manifest and that brings us terrible tension and pressure that can only DISTRACT your  FOCUS from your goals and bring bad,unpleasant feelings into your heart. The only healthy competition is the one you have with your old self. That will help you appreciate your journey and make you realize how far you have gone. 

2) YOU FEEL UNFORTUNATE 
I trained myself to see every circumstance and situation as a blessing (which is also a manifestation of my faith). That helped me so much especially while I was crossing some extremely tough paths. Everytime something unexpectedly bad happen to me ,I feel like it's a sign that somethings AMAZING is coming because I AM FORTUNATE. I am BLESSED and LOVED and everything happens in my FAVOR. Then I seriously do feel an excitement in my heart while expecting amazing things to happen. I prepare for it and that's exactly what eventually ALWAYS happen-the worst moments of my life are always followed with a beautiful testemonies later on. 

3) YOU COMPLAIN
Let me tell you what is a complaint: a CONFESSION. You use such a powerful tool  (YOUR MOUTH) to confess things you don't want. You claim them. And you begin to own them. No matter what is happening to you,stop only focusing on what makes you feel bad. You still have life millions are praying for every single day. Every complaint that comes out of your mouth brings u step closer to where you don't want to be. It have never done any good. Ever. You have a power to speak your future into existence. Be mindful !


4) YOU ARE NOT GRATEFUL 
If you only knew power of gratitude you would be grateful every single moment of your life. Grateful heart is truly a magnet for miracles,I can guarantee you that. Start thanking every single day for all these things you take for granted every day just because one of two things are not going your way. Appreciate whatever you have : your health,incomes,family,friends,food,home - even if it's not perfect. More you are grateful for it ,better it will get. I promise. 


5) YOU CANNOT FEEL GOOD WHEN OTHERS PROSPER 
When other people's success disturbs you that means you did not settle for your own. You feel like your very own successful story is far away from you and that is why others being there already makes you feel anxious. When you don't want to see or help others win,you only try to make yourself feel comfortable in your own situation. We also tend to DISCREDIT others when they do something really big ("she got it only because......" /"Its easy for them because...."/"If my dad was as rich as his I would also..."). 
No . This way you would not move any forward.Instead,why wouldn't you feel MOTIVATED? INSPIRED? If they could do it,that means it's possible! You can as well learn something new. Now that's some serious driving force! 


6) YOU DON'T WORK ON YOURSELF 
Number 5 ofter comes hand to hand with this bad habit. We tend to make ourselves feel comfortable with being uncomfortable in our own skin. Work hard on upgrading yourself. Invest in yourself.Whatever makes you feel bad can be changed ! There is nothing you can't  correct with some work and dedication. But,for sure,its easier to get lazy. Then we get intimidated when we see others work on themselves. When they work on their skills,body,education,personal features. When they want to "slay" in every possible way .It bothers us and then we become evil and mean. WHY?It makes us feel ashamed of our laziness and we start feeling like a failure and in order to protect ourselves we comment and think negativley. We force ourselves not to see beauty in the world around us and we can not wait to see others fall. This whole mental state is super toxic and it can not coexist with happiness and a peace of mind. Nothing feels better then loving youself. Do not forget,Love requiers ACTIONS and that means you will also have to work on your body,soul and mind. And that love,work and dedication to your own self is a master key to a happy life. It will set you free to know you gave maximum into building your beautiful self.

7) YOU TAKE EVERYTHING PERSONAL 
Life must feel like a horror movie when you act and live like the world around you is against you. Then you look for an evil intention in everything ,even in the most naive coincidenecs,gestures or comments you meet. You trust no one and everyone is always ploting against you and people always think and talk bad about you and based on things you do. HUH ?!REALLY ?
Well more you believe in it ,Life will give you more situations to match your beliefes.
BUT! The truth is ,whatever other people do has nothing to do with you. Their opinion about you and your life has much more to do with themselves then with you.
They as well  fight their own battles and we are all different :what you find offending might not offent them and what you find wrong might be very ok in their own wolrd. And it's all good. Stop overthinking. I see everyone as a fellow human being and that brings me genuie love and understanding for people even when they keep on sending me the wrong kind of energy. That does not mean you must kill youself to be loved,liked and approved by others or that you have to build friendship with every one.Nah. But with this kind of attitude no one will be able to make you feel bad with their own personal actions you can not control. Maya Angelou once said "When you know better ,you do better". Some simply do not know any better. Forgive anyways.

8) YOU DO NOT TRAT YOUSELF WITH LOVE AND FORGIVNESS
Being harsh to your own self will always keep you in the same old spot. Treat yourself with love and kindness as you would treat people you love and care about. Stop blaming yourself ,stop with self pity,and stop living in past. You are not your mistakes and there is nothing to be ashamed of. WEALL  DID EMBARASSING THINGS AT SOME POINT AND SO WHAT? No matter what,we all deserve a fresh start and a good  life. So,to get over this matter,embrace your past experiences and be thankful for it ,it molded you into this amazing person you are today and it taught you so much wisdom.