Wednesday, 25 January 2017

How I Cured Postpartum Depression All By Myself

Being a woman is the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me but I don't think it's always easy to be one,especially not in Africa where we are expected to handle so much and at the same time brought up in a way to believe that we must not fail in anything we were suppose to do ,otherwise we might easily get "replaced"
Everything we naturally must go through as women,is still underrated and taken for granted because no one teaches our men everything they really need to know about females,so most of the things we have to deal with still remains a taboo.

This middle century mentality of ignorance is what most of the ladies are "enslaved" with and it puts us  under so much pressure that can't be heathy.

Motherhood and pregnancy.


I don't think there is a woman that doesn't look forward to it.

But even though,I still wander why nobody ever tells us that it's absolutely impossible to be completely prepared for something we never ever had a chance to experience before.

Two months after I had my son in Europe,I came back to Nigeria to join my husband,but it was not only a baby and me that came back: I carried a terrible postpartum depression with me as well.
I was in a foreign country,totally different culture,different ways,different mentality,new challenges,far from my friends and family. First time mom.
If I tell you it was easy,I would lie.

I don't think people,especially men in Africa, are aware that women's hormones don't only work in our favor and help us give birth to their children,but also cause a sort of a chaos and a disaster in our minds and with our emotions.

The only way men are taught to take care of their women is financially.
So since mothers don't think it's important for their sons to know more about changes that happen in woman's body and mind after giving birth, out of ignorance a man won't be there for his woman when she needs him the most.
What happens very often is that he starts thinking that his woman has "changed",became ridiculously annoying,bitter and turned into a "nagging" wife that does nothing but cries and complaints and that gives him a "right" to distance because his woman is stressing him too much so it's absolutely her fault that he can't stand to be around her. 

So here I am.
I'm writing this to let y'all know,no matter if you are a man and a woman,that,if this happens to you or your wife it doesn't mean it's the end of life.
Been there.Done that.

This is a phase,challenge on it's own ,and you can conquer it ,united together as one,

I was in depression for almost a year after having my son.
I didn't see no psychologist,never took any drugs,but guess what?
I literally cured myself,and,my dear sister,there are things I would love to share with you: 

1) MAGIC IS IN YOU
-  I always used to seek for a reasons to put a blame on my husband and I know ladies do that often. I somehow decided that he is the one that does not try enough to save me  and that is why I felt like he was responsible for that terrible condition of mine.
Even though this is the easiest way to go about whatever we are facing in life (to look for who to blame) it's absolutely the worst possible approach to your situation  because it turns your problem into an endless circle of depression that will make you sink deeper and deeper into darkness until both sides get completely drained .
No matter how difficult it might seem now,the best thing you can do to end this agony is to take a full responsibility over it. That is the only way you can stop feeling helpless over things that are happening inside of your mind and embrace the fact that,at the end of the day,you are the only one in this Universe in charge of your feelings,thoughts,emotions and life in general.
YOU HAVE ALL IT TAKES:
You are made of God's strength and you can use it to move the mountains.
Focus on it. Embrace it. Change your life with it.

2) YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF
-Even though postpartum depressions seems to be a taboo for some very wrong reason,it happens to women all the time. No,that does not mean you are weird,weak,useless,unfortunate or a bad woman and mother. You are not a failure. Don't let this phase make you doubt yourself. Don't let any middle century village mentality way of thinking  discourage you. Just because other women (out of some silly shame) don't openly talk about this matter,that does not mean it does not happen to them as well. You would be surprised if you knew how often women suffer from different mental changes after giving birth.
You are not alone in this, and I'm sure you will overcome it. Remember: you came,you saw and you will conquer! You are not less of a woman.This will only help you discover your supernatural
strengths you have as one!

3) FORGIVE YOUR MAN
-Let's be realistic: an average guy can't even understand our mood swings due menstrual cycle .And yes,they faint when they catch a cold (lol sorry fellas).In that sense ,we are just created very differently.

Even though,a man that truly loves you will try his best to understand everything  you have to deal with and yes,with love comes empathy,but the honest truth is,he can never ever know how it really feels like to walk in woman's shoes because he's simply not one.Men just can't understand how would even feel like to go through all that pain and struggle with wilding hormones that are just a normal part of every woman's life.
That is why we need to have a little bit mercy on them.
If his mom missed to educate him about all the changes that happens in woman's body after giving birth (guess some ladies don't think that's important something a future man should know bout), you guys should sit together and Google it all out,so he can get more familiar with your condition and understand that you are not turning into a crazy,bipolar nagging woman that can never be satisfied. You will be surprised with the way his attitude towards you and the whole situation would change when he gets to understand better where you stand.
Don't forget,postpartum depression is also a big time challenge for him,because it's extremely difficult to watch someone you love constantly and obviously unhappy,sad,miserable and always so difficult to handle or even communicate with.
Even if it doesn't seem enough at times,trust me,your man does the best he can to help you get out of that terrible depression. Don't you see how he tries to cheer you up?Try and acknowledge it,every little thing matters,it will help you understand that you are loved more then you know. And Love works better then any antidepressant.

4) GRATITUDE
-I know very well how difficult is to find a sense for gratitude  when depression kicks in. But you really must try your best. Start writing your gratitude list everyday and please stay consistent. Look at your beautiful child. A new life! Your personal masterpiece! You have something millions of women all across the globe are praying for-your very own human being. Your family. Look around you. You made it! Strong woman! Be excited for all the magnificent changes you have been through. So much experience and wisdom in it. Look around you: all them cute little baby stuff around you. Seems like fairytale! Take a moment and thank God for all the blessings you have received. You are so loved and favored. And trust me,what is coming is better then what is gone. Prepare for it.


5) WORK ON YOURSELF
-Please don't be mean to your beautiful self. I know you probably don't get to sleep enough,but find 20 minutes of your day when your baby is asleep to do whichever form of physical exercise. You don't have to go to the gym,instead you can find a bunch of amazing workouts on YouTube or just go out and jog. This is not even about your body.Physical activities scientifically proven helps against depression. Exercising helps activation of SERATONIN (hormone of happiness) and it will help you recharge your energy and get rid of all the negativities in your system that suffocates you on the inside. Don't be lazy. Stop complaining and make changes that will help you get a better life.


6) YOUR LIFE DID NOT STOP,IT JUST HAVE STARTED  HONEY
- The idea of life passing me by used to cause me a serious anxiety attacks. Terrible ones. I think this made my depression really bad. At moments,I felt so trapped. I was breastfeeding so for the first time my movements were completely limited. I felt like I will never be able to do what used to make me happy. Like,why is that a man can freely continue with his life but woman's own must slow down and completely change? I swear, this thoughts used to haunt me day and night to the point it made me feel like I secretly started  hating on my husband (lol,so wrong right,baby forgive me ).

Baby girl don't let this get at you because it won't last forever.
Forget what you have been told. It will pass.
Don't let anyone force anything on you: your life did not end.
Fun did not stop.You are not left out.

I know how society can be stupidity judgmental towards new moms especially if they still look and act alive.
Moment you dress up,doll up,get out of the house and maybe go out to grab some social life for yourself someone will immediately pop up to question your worth as a mother (or a wife).
Does the fact you still look smoking hot and dare not to stop taking care of yourself makes you a less of a mother?
For real?
How? LOL
So you must start looking and dressing like a 50 year old woman to earn an approval from your "village" community about your parenting skills??If you are not looking miserable ,you are not a good mother,or what?
Forget people my sister,This is not about your neighbors,aunties,church members,in-laws,family..This is all about you and your child .DO YOU!No one can know better then you.
Trust me when I tell you: your life just have started. If I can raise a son,have time for my husband,run a couple of businesses,all that in a foreign country and still doll up,travel and groove from time to time,trust me -so can you!
Just because it would be a mission impossible for some other women ,does not mean it will be a mission impossible for you.
Don't think you must settle.You can have it all.

7)GRAB SOME "ME TIME"
-Snatch an hour or two for yourself only.Pamper yourself,do whatever used to bring you joy before you got a child. Fix your hair,lashes,make a spa appointment,grab a glass of wine,meditate,it is very ok to have one hour of selfishness for yourself. Try and don't spoil these special moments : don't overthink ,just focus strictly on the moment and remember that everything starts and end in your head. You are a powerful Goddess.

8)EAT RIGHT!
-I used to console myself with junk food every time I felt bad.But the truth is what this food does to our system is tragic. After eating oily,heavy,unhealthy food  you will only feel restless and even more depressed. There is a reason why it's called "junk". No matter how irrelevant it might seem to you,healthy eating will help you get better on the inside in every possible way.  Try and bring into your system foods that will benefit your health and not make you feel and eventually look bad. Healthy foods for a better mood!

9) YOU HAVE ABSOLUTE RIGHT NOT TO BE READY FOR ANOTHER CHILD IMMEDIATELY 
- People think it's cool to ask a new mom when is she going to have her second child. I was fighting a terrible battle on the inside,trying to pull myself together,was still adapting and learning,hardly even recovered and all just for people to start asking me why am I not planning to "give" my husband another child yet. People can be so damn  annoying. Like seriously?
Are you going to carry a baby for me?
Then they start lecturing and pressuring you. Telling you what is "the best for you".
Look,we are in 21st century.
You don't have to feel obliged to give birth every 2 years. Recover first.
Get back to your old self.
There is nothing wrong with you waiting until you are ready to fully enjoy this miraculous journey again.




No one can possibly know better then you.
Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad for being true to yourself.

More productive and focused you get,less you mind idiotic primitive social norms and "ways",faster you will heal.

I can proudly say that this chapter of my life is  behind me by far and I am sure it will never happen again.
And I am also sure that you will overcome it too.

Can't wait to hear  your own testimony.



25 comments:

  1. you are so real . i cant believe u shared all this with us. this will change lives to so many ladies. xx

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  2. God will bless u 4us

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  3. Way Too REAL!!! I know so many women that would love to read this! you are the best . The strongest women ever

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  4. i have never ever came across a woman like u sonia.
    u inspire masses. u give hope. u are everything

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  5. THANK YOU SONIA ! I AM GRATEFUL AND HAPPY I CAME ACROSS THIS BLOG. GOD WILL BLESS YOU IJN

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  6. U are really one of a kind

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  7. Sonia u talk rubbish dats not even ik child he betta get wise n get himself a naija bride whi cares abt u u are so stupid

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    1. What is wrong with you? Why you so mean and rude?who made you judge and jury??? How will you talk about another persons wife like this and hide behind anonymity? May God forgive you

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    2. Who asked ur opinion if dis ashawo didn't come to confuse ik he wud marry his naija bride dat wud bring respect to his name not this stupid bitch god wil punish all of u for supporting a foreign woman whi came to snatch our nigeria men. Idiots

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  8. Wow nice post, I think I know what to expect now, when I wanna have a baby.
    Please post often... thanks

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    Replies
    1. As in,this write up changed my life.

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  9. Thank you Sonia. You can't imagine what I have been through thinking that something is wrong with me because our society doesn't find this issue relevant and keeps mute and silent about it. We tend to show everyone how perfect our lives are and we are seriously stranded between how we truly feel like and how society and culture want us to act like. Thank you for breaking all this silly taboos and thank you for helping our African sisters to find themselves. Love from Lusaka,Zambia.

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  10. Let ik go n marry his naija bride mk him happy n leave let him mingle wiv his own pipo let him go bck to his fam

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  11. Wow. You are a blessing to our generation Sonia

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  12. So real n so wise

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  13. Hmmm... Everytime I read your blog, I feel refreshed.....

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  14. लव-प्रॉब्लम की समश्या का समाधान पाने के लिए यहाँ क्लिक करे !

    पति-पत्नी में अनबन की समश्या का समाधान पाने के लिए यहाँ क्लिक करे !

    लव-मैरिज की समश्या का समाधान पाने के लिए यहाँ क्लिक करे !

    खोये-प्यार को वापस पाने की समश्या का समाधान पाने के लिए यहाँ क्लिक करे !

    गृह-क्लेश की समश्या का समाधान पाने के लिए यहाँ क्लिक करे !

    कारोबार में नुक्सान की समश्या का समाधान पाने के लिए यहाँ क्लिक करे !

    रूठे प्यार को मनाने की समश्या का समाधान पाने के लिए यहाँ क्लिक करे !

    जॉब-प्रॉब्लम की समश्या का समाधान पाने के लिए यहाँ क्लिक करे !

    एक्स्ट्रा-अफेयर की समश्या का समाधान पाने के लिए यहाँ क्लिक करे !

    गर्लफ्रेंड-बॉयफ्रेंड की समश्या का समाधान पाने के लिए यहाँ क्लिक करे !

    विदेश-यात्रा योग की समश्या का समाधान पाने के लिए यहाँ क्लिक करे !

    वीजा न मिलने की समश्या का समाधान पाने के लिए यहाँ क्लिक करे !

    लव-वशीकरण की समश्या का समाधान पाने के लिए यहाँ क्लिक करे !

    पति-पत्नी में वशीकरण की समश्या का समाधान पाने के लिए यहाँ क्लिक करे !

    जनम-कुंडली में दोष होने की समश्या का समाधान पाने के लिए यहाँ क्लिक करे !

    गोरा होने की समश्या का समाधान पाने के लिए यहाँ क्लिक करे !

    सेक्स की समश्या का समाधान पाने के लिए यहाँ क्लिक करे !

    नि:संतान की समश्या का समाधान पाने के लिए यहाँ क्लिक करे !

    घर में बरकत न होने की समश्या का समाधान पाने के लिए यहाँ क्लिक करे !

    हर समश्या का 100% पक्का समाधान पाने के लिए यहाँ क्लिक करे !

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  15. Sonia, this post got to me. Post partum depression is too real! I am still going through and overcoming it. Three months ago I had my darling daughter and it has been an even wilder ride compared to pregnancy. But my husband doesn't understand that. I love this post! I am going to bookmark this and reread everyday.
    www.nazasdiary.com

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  16. Nice post dear

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  17. I am a very proud man .. Just watching u grow. My Mrs

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