Wednesday, 18 January 2017

Don't Let Them Lie To You: Marriage Was Not Suppose To Make You Suffer

Have you guys noticed that our society has a belief that woman is the only one who is truly responsible over keeping the marriage functioning?
Why is that it's always a woman that we advice to "forgive","forget" and "go back and make things work again"?

I wander why mothers teach their daughters that key to successful marriage is to learn how to turn blind and  how to tolerate and stomach everything and anything a man does ,all for the sake of a "peace" at home?

Why don't you,dear mothers,teach your sons as well that it takes two for a marriage to work?That they should also learn how to treat their women like they are the most precious creatures on planet earth? Why mothers,as women as they are,forget to teach their sons that a woman is a delicate flower,strong on the outside but very sensitive on the inside,that can bless your life but at the same time you need to take a very special care of her?Not to take her strength for granted?Why don't you, mothers, teach your sons that they also have a responsibility  to make their wives look good out there,not with jewelry and fancy clothes only, but with loyalty and respect as well ?

I hear people saying that marriage is not a fairytale and  that women should come back to reality and stop leaving their husbands for "small matters" (such as abuse and infidelity).

I am the first to tell you that no marriage is perfect and we do build our "relationship goals" eventually,with love,understanding and tolerance,and yes,we all face challenges and difficulties at some point,but don't come and tell me that marriage is meant to make people suffer.

What is the message you send to young people,especially women out there? That marriage is a punishment,a life sentence? That they should settle for that and not to be "silly" to expect anything more then that?

Hello?

I know a lady that suffered domestic violence for some time and when she finally found some small pieces of strength to pull herself together and leave,I could hear people saying that she let go "way too easily" and that she should go back and give it a try.
WHAT?
Are you people out of your mind??

Ok, let's do it this way:
Yes,marriage is not always perfect and yes we must work on it.
But despite all that, do you  know what MARRIAGE suppose to be about??
Even as imperfect as it is,the institution of marriage means a union between two people that was suppose to be based on respect,care,love,partnership and be a comfort zone and a safe place for both partners. 

I am a woman. I know my fellow women. We try hard and when we are in love ,we can tolerate so much. Do you know how hard is for a woman to leave her "home"? The strength and courage she needs to raise to walk away? And how bad it must be for her to get to that point?

So when a man misbehaves,maltreats and disrespect his woman,why don't you come at him with chapters from Holy books preaching how he should treat his woman differently ? Oh you don't try to point at  his behavior when it's not so according to Bible? No?
Of course not. Because your village mentality says that we should let men be,because "a man will always be a man" (end of discussion) and that is a reason why a woman must be "wise" enough and make a peace with that fact and try to keep quiet and not to complain and stress him otherwise she "might push him in the hands of another woman".

But when some self-love and self -respect that is still left, wakes up in a woman and she realizes she can't afford to be abused,embarrassed and humiliated or starved in a relationship with no love,care or affection then you think it's about a time to rub all the Holy books in the world in her face and dare to preach her about value of  marriage and how it should be for life,leaving a very clear message behind :she should be smarter,"less selfish" and "stronger" for the sake of her children and go back to her husband.

Children..Let's talk about children..
Of course,a child needs both parents and a healthy,friendly,loving atmosphere around him to grow into a mentally healthy adult. But are you guys out of your mind to "advice" women,even publicly,to go back to their abusive husbands for the sake of their children???? How will that ever be in children's favor?  Do you know which kind of trauma every single child that was a witness of a domestic violence carry along with him? A trauma for life that will make them even hate their mothers for not leaving such an  environment.. A trauma that give these people million and one emotional and mental instability and stops them from functioning normally on every possible level of their lives,forever and ever!

I think it's about the time for some things to change.

I was reading somewhere recently : "Can you imagine,she left her husband ONLY because he was cheating.This generations can't keep marriage."

Let me tell you guys,I am seriously confused.
Is this not a society where very Sunday y'all sit in church,every 5 minute there is a word "GOD" in your mouth,everybody around me is "God fearing",but then when it comes to particular matter such as infidelity then we are again on that famous "a man will always be a man " shit.
I can't even lie.Double standards and fake morality gives me allergy.

I don't think cheating is the most usually and normal thing in marriage.
I don't think anyone should settle for being constantly hurt because someone you decided to build your life with is doing things behind your back and lying to you. I see it as a betray and I don't see why would anyone have to settle to live with someone who will make you question if you are worthy enough.

I can't change your beliefs and what you consider as normal or not so normal,I talk from my own perspective,life philosophy and the way I love and value myself ,I don't think I could ever be capable of living with someone who does not make me feel like I am the most precious thing on the planet earth.

No one says that people should be divorcing up and down every time things are not going smoothly,but there always must be respect,honesty and effort from a man and a woman ,equally.Anyways,as I heard ,divorce is an extremely stressful and painful experience on it's own.

But it's very selfish to teach our daughters that they must learn how to live in pain for the sake of keeping their marriages. Before we teach them how to obey,cook,clean and "serve" their husbands,we should teach them how to value and love themselves.

I know women are not easy to handle at times,we are bit dramatic ,bit confused,bit insecure and all that (bit bipolar as well lol) but I think that there are ways to make a man and woman coexist together without one side being constantly forced to settle,"stomach" and "tolerate"  things that are naturally violating our dignity and integrity as a human beings.


For past few years I have learned how to love myself so much to the point I can't even think of allowing anyone to mistreat me and this is my super power in a way.
If I was you,I would never ever settle for a marriage with no Love.
AND DON'T LET THEM LIE TO YOU:
 Love is caring,kind,safe,affectionate and understanding.
Not abusive,humiliating,disrespectful and dishonest. 











27 comments:

  1. this nation should thank ik for bringing u to 9ja. well done

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  2. You are a true inspiration. Your wisdom and strength is an inspiration to women all over Africa to know their worth and value. Much love from Uganda.

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  3. your love for womanhood amazes me. we should never settle or let stupid primitive mentality be a reason behind our silence and pain.

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  4. Dear Lord bless this woman for me. They train girls all their lives to go about men and become good wives but who teaches boys anything about women?stupid tradition idiotic mentality . bless u babe me love u long time ,love from tanzania,btw I stay in Lagos too. hope to see u one day. nakupenda sana

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    1. *HOW TO GO ABOUT MEN

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  5. Society of hypocrites. Smh . Respect for u Mrs O

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  6. The worst is,women don't support one another,they can't wait to judge and make remarks about other lady not being a woman enough to "keep" her home,without even trying to know what is behind.

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  7. Ladies,this is your wake up call. 21st century heeeey

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  8. Shut up u stupid bitch ashewo idiot u came to our country to break homes wiv see d way u influence our gals. Our men treat us d way they do all bcz of u foreign gals . Stupidity. Women shud try 4 their marriage n if he beats u or wateva itz not a divorce matta our mothers n grandmothers r still married. Dont listen to dis fool she doesnt knw life. Marriage is 4life n if u husband misbehave u just find a way to handle it n not to embarrass him or urself by doing somethin stupid . Wat is this domestic violence again smh. We already hv our ways here in africa if u dont like carry go let us african women handle our matta d way we knw. God will punish u

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    1. i Really pity your generation, some of you Really need to grow up. you said God will punish her?
      i doubt if you are married,what gave you the assurance that you are presently not under Gods punishment. learn to be positive👌

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    2. I can't believe with my own eyes what i see. Some people are just helpless cases

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    3. And the worst part is ,it seems like it's coming from a woman. Shame on you.

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    4. Anonymous from Jan 18, I pray when your husband is beating you, you will remember this post and get the strengtn and the respect for yourself to run for your life. Know that our mothers and grandmothers didn't know better but you do. God said for a man to treat and love his wife just as Jesus loves the church. Do you know what that means? It means that God doesn't condon domestic violence. You have a ground for divorce and to save your life. When I read such ignorance coming from women it really hurts me. You could be a man for all I know, and in that case know the responsibility God has placed on you on how you should treat your wife. You don't have to like Sonia necessarily but love yourself enough to hear the truth

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    5. You really need help. Madam Anonymous

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  9. MRS.SONIA is the best.thanks for inspiring us women with your amazing words.Ladies need to know their worth so that they can't settle for ANYTHING less than deserve.Am your fan.TeamSonia

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  10. human beings sha...abeg, post another one, make we de read de learn...meanwhile, is google an African company? I don't understand what this blog has to do with African women.
    winniesstyle.blogspot.com

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  11. Sonia don't mind idiots please,you are one of the most influential people in our nation and you have no idea how much your blog means to millions of women all across the globe especially us Africans. I was at the point where I thought I was going to go crazy,I was emotionally drained and quite depressed and for months now ,day by day,your posts are helping me get better and I really overcame so many things. Thank you. Your wisdom is a God given gift. People pray for your well being because you give them hope. Hugs & Kisses from Nairobi.

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  12. Go on Sonia always keeping it real to the point.Mad Love and Respect for you~Jamaica.

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  13. "Before we teach them how to obey,cook,clean and "serve" their husbands,we should teach them how to value and love themselves".
    This statement right here is the summary of the whole thing. For far too long, mothers have successfully raised wives but not raised their sons to be husbands.
    www.memoirsofagreatlady.com

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  14. Bless u for this post, respect maam

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