Tuesday, 10 January 2017

"What do I do?": Marriage/Relationship Crisis

I will tell you straight up - there is no couple in this world that have been together for a long time without meeting any form of challenges on their way. Even the most compatible,ideal matches do argue and  at some point they find themselves facing very tough times.
Crises are super painful.
They make us doubt. Wander. Overthink. Sometimes we feel like leaving. Or should I stay? Is he the right partner for me? Why do I suffer this much then? What if I have made a mistake? What is right? Who is wrong?

Madness and headache.
Vulnerable mind is a devil's playground. And devil is a very creative mofo. Indeed.

If you suffer from heartache,wanders,if you feel like your relationship or marriage is about to fall apart,I want you to continue reading.

Is there really a problem?

First of all,we do blow things out of the proportions by attaching meanings to not so relevant things. I think you know what I mean. That is what happens when we are emotionally involved with someone. We take everything personal and our fears and worries can make us see all the things we don't want to see just because we hold on to them so badly. From my very personal experience I can tell you that you don't have a problem that you think you have. At least not a rational one. In emotional relationships by taking everything way too personal we create false beliefs that turn reality because we feed them with so much strength,energy and focus.

Then your relationship sinks deeper and deeper into confusion,mess,accusations,blame,anger,frustration,pain and helplessness. Why? Because our focus is constantly on  the wrong picture and wrong idea of having a "bad relationship/marriage". What we focus on grows.

We are all different and every couple has a different challenge,a very specific tough path that was given to them for a reason.

I think I heard somewhere "Test before testimony"

All my life I used to think,like most of you,that crises in relationships are bad thing. Just recently,I have changed my perception towards it,because I realized that no bond was ever build within a comfort zone.


  • Love.
  • Friendship.
  • Trust.
  • Care.
  • Understanding.
  • Support.
  • Faith.
  • Loyalty.


Non of these categories really manifests during good times. When things are smooth and everything happens the way you want it it's easy to believe,to love,understand,trust or be a support system to someone. Under right circumstances almost everyone can it for you. To know each and every of this categories that make every healthy relationship meaningful you have to pass though unusual something.

When things are really bad our task is to overcome it.
Mostly,people are busy looking for flaws,blame and mistakes in each other and that is what makes couples sink deeper in painful confusion,darkness and crises. I'm sure some of you know how draining this is. It can exhaust you until you literally go crazy and forget everything good about your relationship and your partner.

Ask yourself: do you want this relationship to work?
NO?
Good and fine,you can leave and that is also very ok .
But you are still there.That means you want it to work.You want to be happy with our partner.
Since you choose to stay involved,you will have to start acting according your choice, otherwise you will really run mad.

In order to heal,you must start from yourself.
You must take responsibility over your own part. Not 60%. Not 89%,but 100%.
Tough times are sign that it's about the time for us to turn to ourselves,and not to point fingers and count our partner's sins and mistakes on loud.
Energy is contagious. Positive and Negative.
Once you start thinking of how your partner feels instead of always considering how much of a victim you are,you will by default trig the same kind of behavior from your partner.

Note to yourself: the biggest mistake people make when they start practicing this method is their instant expectation of what will their partner do for them in return and how fast will their efforts be acknowledged. Don't do that. That means you are bringing yourself into picture again.  You don't love someone by expecting love in return. A true action of love does not have self  interest in it.
Do not just wait to receive love so you can give it.

Start the process of exchanging good energy and positive vibrations yourself.

Every crises you overcome will build your relationship stronger.
Challenges given to you are meant to strengthen the weakest links of your relationship with your loved one.
This thinking is what cures my pain instantly every time I face issues in my marriage.When I just think of it as a process that will make us love each other more and deeper,my vibration instantly changes and different attitude and perception brings new dimensions and different circumstances.

What excites me is to know that the roughest paths normally leads to the most amazing places.




44 comments:

  1. u have saved my life just now

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  3. You said it all.


    gloriafinesblog.com

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  4. Is there a way to get in touch with you please? I'm literally about to implode! Need your help!

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  5. This bitch was born yesterday now she think she can teach us life mchww

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    1. She cant even respect her inlaws and start dressing like a real married woman. Who is she trying to seduce again! Im so sure Ik family is looking for her replacement

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  6. I dont know why u fools admire this stupid hoe? Dont u know that ik is with her only bcs she is oyibo with fake ass. There is nothing special about this girl. If ik was smart he would go and marry some of the african ladies he was with they are all better by far this girl has nothing to offer. What is she talking about with her bad English again? Y'all should get a life and start encouraging this stupid girl.

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    1. You are an idiot. Nothing to offer? This woman is everything. She helped so many people out there. What do you do? Hate? Why are you so bothered? We should go and get a life? 4real?

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    2. Bitch shut up, you met a guy online, left your country out of joblessness to go and meet him on the same week, got pregnant for him and he was forced to do a sham court wedding for you. Now you think you are a relationship expert? After one year or something of the sham wedding? If you are such an expert why don't you use your wisdom and get him to traditionally marry you and to do white wedding for you? If you are such an expert why don't you make him from cheating on you? If you are such an expert why don't you make his family like and accept you? Why don't you make your family like him? You should go to school and get some education instead of sleeping around with men for runs. Go to school and learn how to speak English. It was the runs that made you sleep with ik but unfortunately for you he is broke and you got pregnant so you are stuck with him for life. Even with him you still sleep around for trips. Shame on you.

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    3. You are a very sad person and may the lord in heaven deliver you and purge the darkness that lurks in your heart. I want to unleash an onslaught of words to hurt u for venturing to spit such venom,but then id be like you. Go in peace, i pray may you find the peace that will give you light and pleasantness.

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    4. Dear Anon 7:49 and 5:52. I believe you that she left her country "out of joblessness to meet him the same week, got pregnant and do a sham court wedding". In that case, Sonia is a Magician and every woman must want to know her magic. To be jobless one week, then pregnant and married in another week. That is blessings upon blessings reloaded.

      Her English is better than yours and I suspect you are a native speaker. FYI oyinbo does not do traditional marriage, only Africans do that. They will have their white wedding if they both share the same faith but I suspect neither is particularly religious. His family will accept her with time and her family will accept him when they realise that he truly adores her (no father is ever happy with his daughter going so far from home especially if she ran away like you imply).

      This is a wonderful couple, sweet, I pray for them to continue in love. As for her fake ass, I think she looks hotter than Kim K. She has a lovely face but I would advise her to use sun block daily.

      Why are you so bitter??? You don't belong here; please return to Linda Ikeji's blog where you will find many companions.

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  7. You know you did not need to reply there is no need for this at all. If you don't like her why are you bothering yourself. If you do not have anything nice to say, keep it moving. No need for negative comment. I also urge you to take your own advice "get a life yourself". Have a good day.

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  8. Why are you insulting her just because she said what is going on in our society people pretend well.you that is making noise.sit your ass in fucking house,don't ever talk shit in your ass again

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  9. I'm so in love with you sonia you r way too real see this mental cases hating makes me laugh

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  10. I have never commented on any blog but tonight i must let you know i wish i know you in person.your write up has motivated me.when my bf asked me to read your blog it was shocking because he rarely goes online to read stuffs on here but yours has been motivating and helpful.we are your biggest fan(lol).God bless you and fam.pls ignore all negativity.

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  11. Let eh hornets of the Lord be released against Sonia's full time enemies/haters in the Mighty Name of Jesus.
    AMEN

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  12. Am so inspired by your write-ups, may God bless u richly

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  13. This article is just the truth. I love it. Makes a lot of sense.
    www.memoirsofagreatlady.com

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  14. I don't know if u are aware but you do save ppls lives. You can not imagine how far will you go . You have so many ppl wishing you well and praying for u. Blessed soul

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  15. Bitch shut up, you met a guy online, left your country out of joblessness to go and meet him on the same week, got pregnant for him and he was forced to do a sham court wedding for you. Now you think you are a relationship expert? After one year or something of the sham wedding? If you are such an expert why don't you use your wisdom and get him to traditionally marry you and to do white wedding for you? If you are such an expert why don't you make him from cheating on you? If you are such an expert why don't you make his family like and accept you? Why don't you make your family like him? You should go to school and get some education instead of sleeping around with men for runs. Go to school and learn how to speak English. It was the runs that made you sleep with ik but unfortunately for you he is broke and you got pregnant so you are stuck with him for life. Even with him you still sleep around for trips. Shame on you.

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    Replies
    1. Why this much hate? Someone you don't even know. This is not a platform where people gossip or spread malicie. Wrong blog

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    2. U really dont have anything better to do then to go through her blog every single day and comment nonsense ?

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    3. do u really think someone will find her less special or appealing because of the same old bullshit u keep writing over and over again? haba. her mindset can not even recognize ur existence because she is positive and lively ,she spreads good energy and love. what of u?dont be so bitter.i really feel bad for u.

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    4. foolish idiot!

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  16. Funny thing is that she calls herself #1 motivational blogger in Nigeria,,, you are stupid. Should you give yourself that title or it should be given to you? Stupid girl that isn't worth real designer things and got given fake "channel" bags and Shoes,,, she proudly snapped it on instagram not knowing they are all fakes, all in the same of showing off her bend down select things,,, no shame in her game. I blame you people for hyping her,,, imagine this nobody feeling like somebody,,, she does not even reply to her instagram comments anymore as per who is she? What does she do for a living except runs?

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    1. All I see is a fan in denial

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    2. Haha I totally love this @all I see is a fan in denial. I couldn't agree with this post more than I already have. Truth is Mrs Sonia rocks!

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    3. Traditional marriage is your problem?grow up ,sonia is the best thing that has happen to modern nigerian girl.so take bitterness
      ,jealousy,low self esteem,hatred back to your village.you can meetyour

      soulmate anyway everyway,someway ,get a life.

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  17. Love you baby! Keep them posts coming please! Don't mind idiots

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  18. Now she is claiming to have known ik longer than we know as if they have known eachother for years. Bitch please, ya met him on ig, traveled almost immediately to fuck him and got pregnant from the fuck,,, this hasn't been up to 2 years so stop living a fake life,,, life as fake as ya photoshopped pictures,,, ashawo one kobo with her bisexual big eyed ik.

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    Replies
    1. U watch her every move u stalk her. Why if it bothers u? Its not by force

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    2. jealousy will eat u up .Note this to urself

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  19. You are jst a pained soul dear,if you were that smart,let's see your real name not anonymous.see how Sonia has become the landlord in your head,living painfully in your brain everyday and giving you sleepless nights.may God save you from your bitter soul and help you find happiness

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    1. Exactly ma thoughts

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  20. Read through the post and I must say I am impressed.. Now, I wonder why some Nigerians can't just learn and get educated from whoever.. The knowledge is the most important thing not who is offering the knowledge.. No offence ma.. Nigerians please we should grow up.. How can we grow and learn with this kind of disapproval attitude..

    Aunty Sonia, I don't know you or ever met you, but I must say you are doing a good job.. You need to see the way your husband smiled when I interviewed him and brought your name up.. He loves you..

    First time reading your blog...

    Forget the hate comment the koko be say them dey come the site... lol..

    You have found a new love in me..

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  21. our eyes will open when we start reading...so many people perish because of ignorance. Great job dear.

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  22. Am glad I found your page thank you so much for this words i needed to hear them,

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