Tuesday, 14 February 2017

How Come He Was Never Good To Them The Way He Is Good To Me?

"Oh I know this guy,he is such a bastard. Wait,she will see his true face soon,foolish girl !"

How many times such thoughts have crossed  your mind when you see a guy you used to have a thing with another babe?
The nature of relationship we had with someone automatically makes us categorize them as permanently "bad"(or good) people and that just comes naturally. But there is nothing as disturbing for our self esteem as seeing that very same guy who treated you like a shit  trying so hard to provide  a word for another lady.
"What makes her better then me?"
"What does she have that I don't?"
Familiar?

Then,in order to protect your self confidence you look for what to mock or call ugly about "THAT THING" you feel is wrongly and unfairly "overrated" in the eyes of a guy you had (have) feelings for.

(Talking of that,I must share my own experience:when I started dating my husband,I used to stumble across idiotic and pretty much senseless comments such as " ahh  this guy is with her only because of her big ass,what else she could possibly offer"/ "oh there is nothing special about her,he is with her just because she is a foreigner"/ "Ik married this girl only because she is oyibo!(light skinned person)" and so and so. Blah.
For real,FOR REAL? Lol.)

Ok,let's get serious again.


We tend to take particular past experiences and people's behavior way too personal then we end up caring the bitterness along with us,and that my friends,it's very toxic and unhealthy.

We simply have to accept the fact that we can't possibly be everyone's best choice and that not everyone we come across will be our best choice in life. And that's absolutely ok.

Human's nature is indeed so colorful and unpredictable and it can't be simplified.. We are moved by different things and same person can show 1001 color and shade of personality to different people: from "he is just so kind" to "what a rude,heartless mofo".

But do you know who is responsible for that?
We,mostly subconsciously,TRIG certain emotions,attitudes and behavior out of people we are with.

Just like in chemistry: when two chemical elements interact they give a chemical reaction. Change one of the elements and you will have a completely different outcome. Different reaction. Mix wrong chemical elements and you will get an explosion. Boom. Change one of the elements,there won't be explosion again,in fact,different combination might turn out to be medicinal.
It's exactly the same with people.

For example :my husband feels like I am the best woman and wife in this whole wide world but some guy's from my past definitely won't agree with that.Ever.And they have every right not to,because I truly was not as half as good as I am to my husband today. Not because my personality drastically changed but because my husband,naturally trigged the best out of me and that is why he is my husband at the first place.

It's the same with him. I'm pretty sure that there are women out there rolling their eyes every single time they see my posts about how amazing and good he is to me,shouting on loud "Abegggg fake Instagram love" "the guy is a motherfucker" " after everything he have done to me","this girl will learn her lesson" and so and so because he also, probably,did them wrong in a way (if he hurt you in past,sorry ladies,I apologize on his behalf) but as I said,you simply can't and won't be everyone's most ideal choice in life.

Also,don't forget that our partners are reflection of ourselves as well.
They will love us and treat us equally the way we love and treat ourselves.

Believe it or not,everything starts and ends within YOU:
If you have a fear of not being good enough and you lack self love ,that issue will manifest through your partner:no matter how good he is to you,you will always feel insecure,jealous,paranoid until he finally adopt opinion you have about yourself and start acting accordingly.
If you are in peace with yourself,then the same peace will be felt in your relationship.
If you are kind to yourself,you will be able to transmit that kindness to your partner and relationship by speaking life into him/her : you will be able to encourage,motivate and empowering  him/her.
On the other hand,if you don't feel good about yourself,if you can't be gentle and loving towards the person you see in the mirror,you will gradually get to trig the same emotion from the person you are with because tension,harsh attitude,complain and criticism will be the only thing circulating in the air. Guess where it came from?

Does that explains why the same man can treat that one woman a way different then he ever treated any other lady from his past?It's not juju abi voodoo. It is not about him,her or you being bad. Or good.
It's just means that a right "chemical reaction " had happened and that two people clicked in the right way,like never before.

Some people simply take the worst while others can,effortlessly, take the best out of us,but again,there is absolutely nothing personal about that.

That is why ,if you hold anything against anyone you should simply let go of it. Forgive. Don't let bitterness block your blessings.
That does not mean you should settle for being treated poorly,but you should not regret anything ether :it was meant to teach you something valuable.

But most importantly,please understand that beginning of that ideal romance you dream of does not starts once you meet HIM. It starts once you discover,embrace and fall in love with yourself,because what you don't cure in singleness will like a disease spread in togetherness.








59 comments:

  1. you are truly a woman of substance . I love u for this!

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  2. I am not sure if u are aware of the impact u have on so many ppl but every time my colleagues and I read ur blog we get to discover a very new perspectives and points of view. so refreshing ,so helpful. u are a wise,intelligent woman and i think u should write a book. u are a great author. all the best

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  3. btw i am endlessly thankful for replaying my email. u really helped me get over my issue and i do feel much much better. u have a heart of gold

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  4. Am out of words.wow

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  5. Mrs Ogbonna pls m looking for a wife do u hv any sister for me pls im very serious tnx

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  6. I spent my Val sad and depressed and just now I got to read this write up. My mood is completely different now.I now realize that i need to let go of some things and stop being bitter. u are very right sonia. happy valentines and all the best to and ur fam

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  7. woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooww just WOW

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  8. Hmmm A true life coach. And yes u should really consider writing a book.

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  9. bless u for this

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  10. Woooow...just started reading your blog...And I already fell in love with you...Thanks for the inspiration

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  11. Madam Bebolinna , your posts are so refreshing and it is a pleasure to read. How i wish you could write more often....
    But please , i have one suggestion:
    More and more people are reading your blog....and i understand English is not your first language; Is there a possibility you could get someone to correct the grammatical and spelling mistakes?

    Congrats on your husband gradually making it with the lastest movie "Hire a Man".

    Plenty of "Ndolè", "Poulet DG" and "Smetana" love from Cameroon and Russia.
    Yes I'm part Eastern European too lol

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    1. This is a very valuable critique/suggestion. Her write-up is simply realistic and helpful.

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    2. This is a very valuable critique/suggestion. Her write-up is simply realistic and helpful.

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  12. Love this! So love it!

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  13. You and your blog are moving boundaries. You are bringing something new to an average African woman,and I can feel your passion,sincerity and good intention. Bless

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  14. Replies
    1. God wil punish u too for giving dis prostitute a wife role

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    2. get tha fck outta here witch

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    3. awww I can see her biggest fan right here. No wander haters cant keep calm lol

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    4. this is so sweet .u guys are def my fave couple

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    5. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  15. I have learnt a lot from you. You make me feel good. My life makes better sense now. Xoxo from Germany

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  16. Stupid ugly bitch man snatcher god wil punish u idiot

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    Replies
    1. Jenny From Tha Block15 February 2017 at 03:08

      I pitty you.

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    2. as in. this is pure hatred u no dey fear god abi

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    3. wait someone just called Sonia ugly? and stupid? i just cant deal . go hug transformer

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  17. jealousy is sickness manhhh nice1 sonia ogbonna

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  18. Nice write up,I enjoy reading ur blog . regards

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  19. word. kudos mrs orbonna kip it up

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  20. To be honest,I am addicted to your blog. Your mindset reminds me of great Oprah W. I am sure u will go far. Love from Nairobi.

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    Replies
    1. wil u stupid stupid bitches stop making this ho feel important who she help abeg she is just a senseless ho n ik is gay

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    2. Wetin concern you if ik b gay? It's very obvious you are a frustrated bastard. May God lesson your coming punishment for such arrant hatred. Fool

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    3. Omg if ppl can hate such a beautiful soul like sonia then they really hate their lives at d first place

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  21. Johanna COOL BLOG

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  22. Good day Sonia.You are doing wonderful job and I am sure many people are grateful for your write ups and topics are very catchy as well. Please ma,I need your help,I sent u an email several times,its kinda urgent ,I really need ur advice on something. I am looking forward to hear from u. once again Thanks for ur time. Tolu

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  23. Love this ! this made so much sense to me . kisses

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  24. Gosh so much hatred on such a positive and refreshing platform . I cant understand some people ,really. Sonia keep touching our lives, u are truly one of a kind

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  25. Rukky Shaizzey Ghadafi15 February 2017 at 04:24

    Preach on sis. Hope to meet u one day

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  26. Some ppl sef smh

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  27. Sonia you are truly a blessing to us God bless you

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  28. Oh Sonia, you are such a lovely soul.... I hv learnt much from this write-up. God bless you.

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  29. Joseline Mallinett16 February 2017 at 10:07

    You are something different. You are the best ever happened to Ik. Love everything about you

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  30. Joseline Mallinett16 February 2017 at 10:08

    The best thing that***

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  31. Some people will really choke in their own bitterness na wa ooo

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  32. Our wife oooooooo nice one !

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  33. Good afternoon everyone, I will love to add to what she said, pls sonia i hope you don't mind.... This does not only have to do with our marriages and relationships with the opposite sex, this applies to all aspect of our lives including the relationships with the same sex eg our friends, sisters, etc. A friend you call your bestie for years just meets another individual and stops giving you that attention, its a whole lot to swallow but we should always have in mind that he/she is not just the best chemical reaction and we should try to let go of all negativities.. Love him or her, and love yourself... Peace ✌..

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for your participation dear,and yes,I totally agree with you!

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  34. what you don't cure in singleness will like a disease spread in togetherness, very profound.
    www.memoirsofagreatlady.com

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  35. I totally agree with all you had to say, but don't you think putting the responsibility of "whether he stays depends on the aura you give" a bit too much ?

    You said above
    "Also,don't forget that our partners are reflection of ourselves as well.
    They will love us and treat us equally the way we love and treat ourselves.
    "

    I'm sorry but that's not my case , the last guy I dated thought I was the sweetest and kindest woman he had ever met, he said and I quote " how did I get so lucky " I munched that chat and I still have it , but we live and are from 2 different countries. He's dating someone else now and the last time I checked her page ( which was the fucking last time!!! Cause it hurts too much ) I read comments he made which were natural for a man in love yo make E.G. ( what a beauty , you're so beautiful etc ) they used to work together, she was his boss , so I know she's smart etc , at first I tried to feel bad , maybe she's better than me , maybe she's nicer and sweeter than me ..... but he wasn't and asshole to me so I couldn't get outraged or hate her or anything cause I'm a supporter of all women. All the same I felt bad when I saw those comments and I wondered why that wasn't us , London is just 6hrs away , I believed we could make it work but he didn't, so that was that .

    So going by your comment, I should take responsibility for that ? I don't think so , I know how much of a good person I am , I'm not perfect but I gave it everything, so much that it was impossible for him not to admit it . Like I said I agree with you so much that I cried at the beginning of this post cause that's how I felt when I was checking her page all through last year, but I do believe that you don't have to take responsibility for a shitty relationship , some women/men are just shitty ( if they last with someone it could also mean that person can take their shittiness) and some situations whether your partner is shitty or not just don't work for many different diverse reasons!! So in such cases , I think people should accept and move on , you don't have to carry the weight thinking your partner reflected how you felt about yourself. There are broken people, bad people etc who found true love , so maybe some case could be you got what you served but not most or all cases . Hope I didn't offend or confuse anyone but look , if it doesn't work it doesn't, make sure you learn your lesson and move on !! Plus don't make it an habit to stalk !! You'll just hurt yourself, when a girl or guy chooses you over someone else, it has NOTHING to do with you, but EVERYTHING to do with them and their state of mind and their needs !! Don't be hard on yourself trying to be someone you're not just so you can click , I'm sure Sonia and Ik'a Chemistry was a match which is why they chose each other.

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    1. Sorry I meant " when they choose someone over you " ��

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