Friday, 17 March 2017

Men & Domestic Violence (Story From A Reader Shared)

Domestic violence is recently a very hot topic all over social media and I am super glad to see that our woman (and men) are mostly aware that this is something we should not "normalize" or tolerate in any way and that violence and mental&physical abuse has absolutely nothing to do with love and that It's really not  by force to stay in a marriage or relationship that might get you killed.

However,we heard so much from women that been through such a horrible experience,and I am so grateful that they had courage and strength to speak out loud and raise awareness.
But what if.... A victim is not a woman?

So today I came across very unusual email from one Lagos based guy and I really think I need to share it with you guys.

"Good day Mrs Ogbonna,
I am sure you get millions of emails every day but I truly hope this meets you well.
I am a 32 years old lawyer from Lagos and I have been married for 4 years now and I have a big problem.Every single time we (my wife and I) have even the slightest disagreement,she turns into a monster.She starts acting so hysterical,aggressive and abusive. She calls me names such as "idiot","useless fool","pathetic moron" and even worse kind of insults I'm embarrassed to even mention. It made me feel so bad about myself (my self esteem is so low right now) and I don't know why women think that men don't have feelings or that we don't get hurt . We do. I do. We just don't show it all the time like you females do.
However,let me continue.The verbal abuse is just a beginning.
She often hits me or throw things at me. Last time I even ended up with 4 stitches at the back of my neck because she injured me really bad.
The thing is ,I can't and don't want to hit her back,I am a 6'1'' tall man, I think I would hurt her really bad. Secondly I  don't believe in violence. I was not raised that way.
I love her obviously but she really abuses me badly and I'm afraid I can't stand it anymore. I feel helpless because all I wanted is to marry one woman and I wanted my marriage to be for life. We don't have kids yet and to be honest I am afraid to have children with her because I don't want them to suffer because their mom has anger management issues. I work hard,I don't cheat or womanize in any way and I think I am a good husband to my wife.
Please Sonia, I beg you,tell me what to do. I am so confused.
There is no one I can talk to because I don't want my family and friends to start hating on my wife.

Thank you for your time. May God bless you and your family."


Before I give my opinion,I want you guys to participate and share yours.
Please,don't hesitate to comment,your opinion or maybe experience can help someone's life.

Much love!

74 comments:

  1. it is well broda

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    1. man is looking for an advice n tip and is dis how u contributing ? it is well? what is well about this?

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    2. lol nigerians

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    3. wetin b well abt diz matta abeg? mchwww

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    4. but for real dear reader be more productive then this someone needs ur help

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  2. it might be juju or ur wife is possessed. it really cud be spiritual somtin.all d best

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    1. call pastor or what? seriously ?

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    2. Jazz is real o

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    3. us africans and voodoo.haba

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    4. Lol i was waiting to someone to start talking pastors and witchcrafts lmao

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  3. chai i cant believe dis o

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  4. Well we talk about women as victims all the time and guess what ,there r cases like this existing.
    Sad,especially because its seems like guy is a good guy.
    Women complain about men all the time,they say there are no good guys out there and when u get a good guy u abuse him?
    hmm women can be so difficult at times

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  5. if u cant function together then better split ur ways bcs its not bz force to suffer man

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  6. 4 years of marriage and no kids? hmmm

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    1. stupid comment. some ppl take their time u know. get emancipated we r in 21st century. some ppl dont want to make a new baby every year just cuz they got married.smh

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    2. I agree with JennetLove. Like seriously? Some couples actually take their time to enjoy alone before they start having children. And there is nothing wrong with that. I don't know why you being so chicky

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  7. Anger management issue are real psychological issue and it can get treated. It really happens,people suffer from it and they also get cured,just that in Africa we don't acknowledge such disorders,we like to see supernatural and spiritual in everything. You should visit a psychologist together. Let a professional handle your matter. It's beautiful that you never touched your wife wrongly and that you still love her. It must not be easy for you,especially as an African man that you are with all our beliefs and tradition.I wish u all the best.

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    1. Juju is realll abeggg o

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  8. so when man beats woman she must leave but when woman beats her man they should seek for professional help.double standards in dis bish

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    1. Thank you, wonder why we are so biased and don't tell ourselves the truth, he should live the marriage before he gets killed. Four stitch on the neck and we are talking of professional help. Mcheeeeeeeeeeeew

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    2. Thank you, wonder why we are so biased and don't tell ourselves the truth, he should live the marriage before he gets killed. Four stitch on the neck and we are talking of professional help. Mcheeeeeeeeeeeew

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  9. You are a big fool.

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  10. Some women are mad as fuck. No joke bruv. Like I had some crazy ass experienced,my boys too,some chicks are crazy and dangerous,especially them Lagos babes (mostly the ones that seem homely n quiet trying to appear as a wife material) man give them 2 months u go see their true colors. I swear better go after them so called bad girls with them at least u know wat to xpect. Guys should really get wise nowadays before they meet a girl that can do undoable

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  11. Kelly On The Beat17 March 2017 at 05:43

    As in nawa o im seriously shakin ma head

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  12. Ur wife is rite dude u r very useless. In fact im sure dat u cant give her wat she needs in bed dats y she's angry. Send her to me trust me she wont misbehave again

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    1. In dis recession i can't really think of helping this ur helpless case dolla rate dey ma mind

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    2. Why do you have to be so rude? So heartless?

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    3. U have no shame

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  13. D way I would beat u if u touch me once u no go consider doin it again mchwww nonsense no respect na man u be

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  14. Well it seems your wife is angry at something, you need to know whats making her upset and talk about it. When she's in a good mood tell her the things she says to you when she's upset are hurtful, tell her the result of her actions if she doesn't change. If it doesn't work try looking for counselors that can help with Anger issues. If she's willing to change be patient with her and help her it won't be easy but try without putting your life at risk of course.

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    1. Looking For Johnny17 March 2017 at 08:14

      But he said she is difficult for communication. Men,when u meet a good woman that can be your pal and your lover please i beg u treat her right. We don't know how to appreciate good things when we have them . Mbok

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  15. Soniaaaaa i just need to give u a hug đŸ€— right now... girl you nailed this one
    They are natural hunters they will have to come and find me... running no no i learned in a hard way!
    One thing women should remember" pour ĂȘtre apprĂ©ciĂ© il faut ĂȘtre rare".

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  16. Pls if for four years you have been dealing with this my brother, even to the extent of stitches, fortunately/unfortunately, am happy you guys dont have kids and I know you must have talked this over with her, there is no happiness, you should go your separate ways.. The fact that you don't have kids makes it easier.. For me divorce is the best option.. Peace ✌

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    1. So u believe in divorce?

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    2. Guy said he doesn't believe in divorce o

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  17. Slap her once so she can get back to her senses

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  18. What a disgrace for an African man nawah

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  19. Who they epppp abegi

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  20. i neva hear such case b4.very strange maybe u don marry a witch

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  21. prayyyy oo pray!

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  22. deliverance is the answer. contact me I know very good pastor that can help u

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  23. Some fellow africans are still so fckin primitive I cant really cope with yall. No wander we are not progressing we are still middle century minded

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    1. shut up bitch u feel smart or what i dont get u .

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  24. Dear,you seem like a very nice man. Have you tried to visit a marriage consultant or therapist ?Maybe you should give it a try.
    Your wife might be hurt about something or she holds something against you but she has difficulties with expressing herself?
    MAybe she has some sort of a trauma from her childhood?
    Women are very sensitive.
    I am sure there will be a solution to ur problem

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    1. Exactly my thoughts. Once I had a bf then I simply stopped having feelings for him and ,in a meanwhile,I fell in love with someone else. I was confused for a while so for couple of months I was really mistreating my bf. I was so abusive towards him ,I was just like I can't stand this dude no more. So ur opinion make sense to me

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  25. why ppl dont say man might be hurt or sensitive when hegets to d point of beating his wife ? it can only apply on women when they misbehave or what i dont get

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  26. Maybe ur wife simply doesnt love u.

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  27. or maybe she fall in love with another man

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  28. It is very interesting topic because most of dont even consider men as possible victims of domestic violence even tho its obviously a case at times.
    But some comments tho hmmm

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  29. Hmmmmmmmmmm im jus shakin ma head

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  30. Sir, does your wife know and admit what she is doing is wrong? Is she ready to get help? If she is then she can go for counselling and be taught how resolve an argument without getting physical. If she does not want to get help. I suggest you separate for a while. Also I know you feel embarrassed talking to family or friends about this but now is the time to act.

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    1. You have a very valid point. I think it would help us get the better picture if you told us her perception about her own behavior:does she feel right or wrong about it? Because how can you change someone who doesn't want to be changed?

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  31. Separate yourself from physical abuse then help her seek the counselling that she needs if she refuses you have to walk away. A MAN WHO CAN NOT BE COUNSELLED CAN NOT BE HELPED. Leave it in the hands of God. Do not take on her low self esteeem. She is she and you are you.

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  32. Yuppp u on point

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  33. Good afternoon Sir. This really touched me because it seems like you truly love your wife. I know how terrible you might feel especially considering all our cultural norms and traditional role of a man in African family. I don't advice you to talk to your family about it because they will hold it against your wife forever (you know some things are simply a taboo in Nigeria) and image you solve a problem you have with your wife,they will still hold this matter against her and it might spoil relationship between her and them for good. Pray,consider seeing marriage consultant,even psychologist(nothing to be ashamed for) and expect the best.

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  34. Some people make sense but menhhh some are just so useless #mbooook

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  35. JennyFromDaBlock17 March 2017 at 12:45

    We take good honest loyal men for granted then we moan on loud "all men are this/all men are that" .... Sad

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  36. I had a similar problem for ten years,when she starts ranting i leave home for days.i was getting old ,no peace no children.a friend introduced us to emmanuel tv.i watched on youtube ,i saw cases like mind .i visited synagogue church of all nation she was delivered by the prophet
    .we now have children and there peace in my marriage.try it and testify or waik away.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing,your comment is truly helpful,not like dis useless fools commenting nonsense wasting our mb

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  37. I think you and your wife should visit The SCOAN.

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  38. Try and pray together as a couple everyday

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  39. The wife could be spiritual disturbed and she may not know it.It is the spirit that's in her that's making her behave like that towards her man.She us not doing it on purpose.Am sure at times the wife gets back to her normal state and she's like...Oh My what am I really doing!and am sure as much as she us trying to be good she just can't because of the spirit that's controlling her.Spiritual issues/things need spiritual assistance.I agree with the person who suggested they both visit the SCOAN.They both need to be prayerful too.I hope their situation will soon change for better in accordance to the will of God.
    Cheers!

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